A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really dont know what to do. About 3 years ago my partner started popping up in places he shouldnt have been like my cousins house - I'd never taken him there. Soon after this I noticed a group of people -mainly men in their 40's and 50's following me everywhere I went - taking it in turns in groups of two's and threes. This is still going on now. A few of them my partner had either introduced me to once or I'd seen them hanging around near his house. The creepiest thing of all is that my partner dosent even seem that jealous. I would never in a million years have thought he was stalking me before I saw it for myself. I used to worry he'd think I was too keen! We only see each other once every couple of weeks. I havent dumped him because what is the point if he knows where I am at all times to bother me anyway. I've been too scared to go to the police because the people I've told so far either thought I was crazy or seeking attention. I also thought there would be counter allegations made, he is a big time liar. When I catch him following me, I stare and make it clear I've seen him, but he blanks me, then when I ring him and ask him what he was doing he denys it and starts screaming at me, even though once when it happened he had on the same clothes he'd been wearing earlier at his house - when i'd left he'd said he was going bed then I catch him 30 miles away, in my area?!He says some really weird things sometimes that don't make sense - we'll be having a conversation, then out of the blue he'll say something really bizarre and unrelated, then i'll say what and he'll try and tell me he didnt say anything. He can hold a normal conversation when he wants though, so he can't be completly insane. Also once we had a really bad fight and every time he hit me he said yessss - like when your team scores a goal or something. Then later, even though I was the one with the bruises he said something along the lines of "go on go to the police then lets see who gets locked up" in a really confident voice as if he had some lie up his sleeve. He dosent seem to be scared of getting in trouble at all which creeps me out. The people who help him stalk me give me the creeps too. They shout abuse at me in the street sometimes, but really strange things for grown people to say, more like what kids in the playground would say, they dont seem to care if they get caught either. Another creepy thing is their age and mine. I'm barely out of my teens and their mainly in their 50's - what the heck would they get out of bullying me. I've known my partner for 8 years and I suspect the stalking has been going on since way before I noticed it - which is even worse cos I was just a child when we met. Has anyone ever heard anything remotely similar to this or have an idea why he might be doing this cos I am at my wits end and I would feel better about going to the police if I knew. Thankyou for reading this
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cousin, jealous, liar, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Hi.... this sounds very strange!
It seems like it is a form of control and in a way it is working because you certainly seem under their control through fear.
There is a website www.nss.org.uk which may be helpful. I would also go to the police, ask to speak to a female officer and tell her about your fears, just to alert them to what is happening.
Make sure to tell friends or family what is happening and write down specific incidents when you feel threatened.
You need to leave your boyfriend before it gets very serious.
You are doing the right thing by speaking out and seeking help.. Get a personal alarm too
Take care and be brave x
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 June 2009):
 A few years ago I experienced stalking from someone who was looking for a relationship - the silent phone calls, his car parked by my flat, him knowing things about my whereabouts that he shouldn't, him trying to buy a flat in my block to check up on my 'boyfriends'. We had been mates before he started getting funny ideas - I even let him stay in my flat spare room a few times when he missed his train home...until underwear went missing and my door key (I had to get the locks changed as I suspected he went in my flat when I was away on holiday!). Anyway I am telling you all this because I understand how unsettling and disturbing it can be to have a stalker in your life. Stalkers prey on victims and thrive on their feeling of control over you and your movements. You are clearly in an abusive relationship with this man who sounds like he is suffering from a serious psychological disorder. By continuing the relationship you are in danger, other women (potential victims) are in danger and the offender (your boyfriend) doesn't get the psychiatric treatment he obviously requires. You must contact the police to report what is happening - he has undermined your confidence that you will be 'believed' and this is typical abuser behaviour related to their need to stay in control. You can call women's aid who can assist and advise you on your present options. The police can arrange an injunction so this man and his associates do not come near you. All you have left in your relationship is fear at present - what you need to find is COURAGE to overcome that fear and assert your right to a nice life by reporting this man to the police. There are police specialists dealing with domestic violence and stalking to assist you and they will believe you as they see this sort of thing all the time! I stood up to my stalker and he went away, you need to do the same for your personal safety and the safety of your community.
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