A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner has a child from a previous marriage, although I have always felt left out whenever the child came to stay things have become worse just recently. We have been together for 3 years despite this there isnt one photo of me in his flat (we live together) but the walls are almost covered with pictures of his child.We have just been on holiday together and whilst we were there he did not stop talking about the child and bought him so many clothes and toys etc its embarrassing. We had a huge row about it but he told me to keep my nose out and that it had nothing to do with me!!! Hes also very friendly with the ex wife and I cant help but feel he would be better off being back with them.I have felt depressed about this for a long while and not sure what route to take, whether I should leave or not? He has told me to leave if I cant handle it!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I know exactly how you feel, I am in the same situation. Its hard but in the end i think I will leave. I do not want to compete with child or ex (and why should I) We deserve love and happiness and that is probably not with them in the long term
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Get a couple of books.
"Seven Habits of Highly Effective Famlies" by Stephen R. Covey.
"Super Nanny" by Jo Frost.
Read them together.
Also get some counselling.
If these all are too hard to do or you don't care to...then leave already.
Someone who is desiring in being part of a solution will do and give their all to making things work.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I am in a similar situation, and I know how you feel. I am so glad that my boyfriend is a great dad-that's how it should be- but am I happy? I'm starting to realize that as great as he is, I am feeling unhappy and wondering if the relationship is worth it. Let me know how things go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what each and everyone of you are telling me and mostly I agree, however it doesnt stop it being difficult. I love my partner deeply and its hard to know that love will never be reciprocated on the level he shows for his child (my problem I know)
Yes I shouldnt let the child (who after all is a child) bother me but he is consistently rude to me and when he is his father just laughs. I understand why he spoils him so much as he wants to make up for the time he doesnt spend with him but does spoiling him right for him?
You are all right of course I am insecure about the situation and I know deep down what I should do but its very difficult when you do love someone so much.
Thank you all for your comments and I shall try to take them on board.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): To further Eddie's comment and in short, I think you should leave him for someone who doesn't have obligations of that sort. You require someone who will put their all into you, and this man will never be the one, at least not for many years.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 The problem is yours. You're trying to compete with a child. Picture that. You're getting tied up in knots because of a competition with a kid. The worst part is this, if you win, that makes your boyfriend a bad parent! That is his flesh and blood. You will NEVER understand until you are a parent. 50% of marriages end. We're always parents though and we almost never cease to love our children. It's almost unconditional.
You need to accept this. You sound very insecure. I'm very happy to hear that your boyfriend stood his ground and offered you the opportunity to leave. You're asking him to choose between you and the child. That is rotten. What happens if he begins to neglect the child in order to appease you? Two years form now you split up and he has to go back and explain to his child why he made that choice. The answer to this is always clear. If he has to choose, you'll lose. By the way, I bet you've really begun to dislike the child. That to will get worse and if you aren't already, you'll begin to trreat the child poorly. Especially if you end up having your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): There is no deeper love than the love of your child. If you cannot handle that and respect it I think you should leave the relationship.You are spending too much time being jealous and insecure rather than take part and support him and his child. Why don't you spend some time with his son/daughter and get to know him. Remember, his father and mother are divorced so it must be hard for that child to not see his father on a day to day basis. It's not all about you, you know. The child is his heart and get over it.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 January 2007):
 It's always hard being in a relationship with someone who has a child, especially if you don't have your own kids. The truth is that kids change anything. You'll never love anyone as much as you love your kids and you have to accept that your partner loves his kid and try not be jealous of it. Unfortunately what you've described isn't really his problem, it's yours. His kid isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He's here to stay and if you are too you need to learn to get along.
CD
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