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*agnolias
writes:I asked my girlfriend to stop talking about former boyfriends because it felt icky to hear and know about them. She thought it would help me to know her better and did it a few more times until she finally stopped. I think it kills emotional intimacy and I know way more than I ever wanted to know. I thought it was settled and then 11 months later she told me she's still friends with her most recent boyfriend before me that she hadn't told me before. She insisted that it's entirely friendship without a single trace of memory or desire on hers or his part. 100% friends and is one in which she would never want to end since 'good friends' are not easily found. I told her that if I were a former lover of a current friend, my mind could never be trained to not recall the most intimate times we've had together in the past. She insisted that it's not true for either of them. The secrecy of this relationship continues to weigh upon me and her choice to keep it so really hurts me deeply. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): I can completely understand why you feel how you feel, but i think as her partner if she has given you no reason to doubt her in the past then you should trust her. If there was any foul play going on she probably wouldn't have told you that she kept in contact with them in the first place. In some cases i think being friends with an ex shows that both parties have been able to move on from the relationship, and it can show there are no longer any feelings present. I don't think you should tell her to end the friendship because she may see this to mean you don't trust her and could put a strain on your relationship, but it may be fair for you to ask not to hear about it in the future, although i would think it better to know this sort of thing as opposed to her keeping it a secret. But if it still really bothers you that much you can ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed then maybe she would understand where you are coming from.
I hope this has helped x
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