A
female
age
30-35,
*opelesslyinlove
writes:Dear Cupid...I have a problem. A huge problem. There is so much to explain.Basically I went to primary school with him. I was very shy and I always thought I loved him. Though I never told him, so we just stayed friends. But in Yr 5, he actually sent me a letter asking me out. I was too shy, so I didn't reply to him. I just said when asked about it "I never got a letter..."Anyway, its basically a schoolgirl crush that has turned into something more. We each went to single sex schools, but my brother was a pupil at the same one, althought older than him, and went to reward evenings where I saw the guy. I never had the courage to talk to him. So every year I saw him, but never talked. He seemed to be able to talk to other girls, but not me. He was quite shy too, so that doesn't help!Recently, I found we both go to the same Christian group. We emailed each other for a bit, then he didn't use it. He isn't allowed MSN, but I got his number and it seems we only communicate through text, but can't do it in person. I see him once a month at the Christian group, and we look and smile at each other, but again, we hardly talk. He talks to another girl who so much more funnier and confident than me, but in the text he swears he doesn't like her. He likes another girl but she likes his best mate, so he thought he should ask out this girls best friend. That's when I let slip I might like him. He asked if it was him, but I said I would talk to him at the next meeting about it. He started syaing how come I didnt have a boyfriend, Im so funny, pretty, etc...Im so confused! He told me he wanted to ask someone else!I went to the next meeting and guess what; he never said anything. We talked quite a lot, but it was an all night vigil thing and he was surrounded by girls, who I know he doesnt like. This girl who is funnier than me was always around him, but she doesn't like him, only as a friend. But why didn't he talk to me? Sometimes he sends long texts, other times short ones. He can't meet up because he lives far away from the centre, and my bus doesn't go anywhere near his house.What can I do? I think I love him, I dream about him, it may sound obsessive but its true...what should I do??? Does he like me back?I'm so confused.
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best friend, christian, crush, msn, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): Not unless you let it be awkward. Just take the first opportunity to apologize for your "silly" friends, and then start a conversation about another subject. Surely you are aware of some of his interests. Get away from the "who likes who" thing. It obviously makes him uncomfortable. Just use ordinary starters and let him get comfortable talking with you.
A
female
reader, Hopelesslyinlove +, writes (9 April 2007):
Hopelesslyinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for all your replies. I texted him today, and he asked "so you never told me in the end...who is this guy you like?" I was with friends and they said "you can't hide it anymore. You have to tell him" I knew they were right, I did! so i simply texted back saying you. He said he wasn't sure what to say, all he could say was thanks, but he couldn't say he wasn't pleased. I asked if thats who he wanted it to be, and did he feel the same way. He said that he wasn't sure, and that he was sorry. My friends came up with the crazy idea of them rinigng him and getting an answer. I couldnt stop them. He said it was complicated and hung up! I said I was sorry about my friends, and simply just texted "kk" I texted him twice later but he never answered. What happened? What's he going to do? Will it be awkward at the next Youth meeting I have with him a month away?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): (lol) Well, anonymous, I don't think hope and dreamlove can go out for drinks, but maybe a soda. The problem here is to get D's confidence to the point where he can talk to hope without stuttering and then blushing so bad that his cologne evaporates. Hope thinks she is not "liked" by 'D' because he can't talk when she is close to him. But he chatterboxes with other girls all the time. He e-mails and does so for hours, but he "ignores" her when they are together at a group meeting. I think 'D' has a bad case of "crush" on hope and does not know what to do about it. What say ye all? Right. I agree. Now hope, knowing this, must use her feminine wiles to make 'D' feel more at ease around her. Since he is more or less speachless, she must carry the weight of the conversation. Hope needs to prepare herself and get a good line going, since she may have to continue with it for some time,...at least until the "silver toungued fox" gets his speach back. (wink) Hey girls! How about some help, here. (?) This is not a joke. We have a serious matter here. And hope, don't you dare run away! Remember, you are anonymous and among friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Hopelesslyinlove,...(smile)That is a very long name, and not a very cheerful one. First, little dear one, no-one who is able to love others is ever "hopeless". So, please get that idea out of your head and away from your opinion of yourself. I understand your frustration. You want very much to at least be friends with "Lovable", but you don't know how to begin the friendship. I perceive that he does not know how either. You say that you communicate by e-mail. Well, that is OK, but it is not very personal, is it? These things can be difficult at your age, I know. I am not being condescending. (that is a two-bit word for looking down at you). I was a fourteen year old boy (lad)myself, once upon a time, so I may know something about where he is now. First, he certainly does not dislike you. He would not spend a minute on-line with you if he did. He is not avoiding you at group meetings, etc., because he dislikes you. He is shy of you because he likes you very much, but is afraid he will come across as a jerk if he talks to you face to face. The other girls that he is free and open with are not a problem, because he has no "crush" on any of them. They are just friends. But you are different. You are a problem. (smiley) You never thought of yourself as a "problem" to somebody else? He is as shy of you as you are of him. There is a strange paradox here, and I don't pretend to know the why of it all, and I have studied it for years. It is like a kind of ritual dance. I understand it in nature and wildlife, but it is still a mystery in people. No! (lol) I am not comparing you to wildlife! So, how do we solve this "problem"? OK, let's start by making him feel less like a jerk. Because he really does feel like one. At least when you are around. All the witty lines and funny stories he knows go right out of his head when you are around. He can remember some when he is typing to you on-line, but his tongue doesn't want to work when he is near you. This is why girls need to do most of the talking at first. OK, now that you know how powerful you are, get some confidence and start up a conversation sometime. It doesen't really matter much what the subject is. He won't care, as long as he doesn't have to carry all of it. "Hey, I heard this great new song on radio today by (group)...." "there was this really neat show on telly last night"...etc., etc., get your confidence up, hon, and get in the game! Don't let the "non-crushes" dominate the field! (lol) Luvs and best wishes, Tom
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): I have recently found myself in a very similar situation. ie,having gone to school with someone, communicating with her via e-mail and then on the telephone after meeting up 13 years after a school reunion.I was blown away with how genuine warm and attractive she was.After some flirting via text and subtle testing the waters I asked her out for a drink.I was pleasantly surprised when she accepted the invitiation.
Basically,if you do not ask you will never know if he feels the same way.Take the plunge and ask him!!!!
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