A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Just moved in with my boyfriend, been together three years and he questions constantly the cost of the food bill. He gave me half towards the rent etc this month and £100 extra for the food bill and said that would cover his half for the whole month. I feel like I'm going around in circles explaining that the shopping varies each week and of course it's not just food I have to buy. He says he does not begrudge giving me money but I feel I have to ask then explain each time why the food bill is what it is. I have never argued with him over money before we moved in and I hate talking about money but I feel like he thinks I'm ripping him off in some way when all i feel is we both work and i shouldn't have to count every penny and keep going over the subject. I don't know how else to approach this, any ideas please
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 October 2019):
 woo sorry, it looks like the bulk of my answer got lost in cyber space. I did ask why the job of shopping and having to explain costs etc fell to you …. share the burden of shopping and cooking and cleaning and he will (hopefully) gain a better understanding.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 October 2019):
If you both work why is the buying of food your job alone. Who was shopping for him before you moved in, and have you started a new home or moved into his or yours?
Agree receipts need to be kept and the pair of you work on the monthly grocery budget.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2019):
 Have him check the stats released by the Office of National Statistics in reference to average UK household food consumption in 2018. ( Food only, no toiletries, cleaning products etc. Non-alcohol beverages included; alcohol beverages not included ).
The average weekly cost for food in UK for an average family unit ( 2.4 people ) is £ 91 .That means an individual average cost of about n 38 a week for food only. In a month there are 4.3 weeks ; multiply 38 by 4.3, and the total which comes out ( average monthly cost of food for one person is £ 163.
Which , on turn, means : that, unless you are particularly frugal, or particularly good with creative financing.., or simply that you eat much less quantity , and much worse stuff, than the average person,- your bf has been / still is richly screwing you off to the tune of about £ 63 pounds a month. Not counting what you spend for soap, toilet paper, cleaning products etc. etc.
Now, of course, I know that an average cost of £ 38 a week does not mean that you MUST spend £ 38- one can always spend less, sacrifying choices, quality and quantity. It means ,though, in your case, that you have to budget and spend a whopping 35% less than the average of British people, which can be done , I suppose, but can be done only resorting to all kinds of cost - cutting strategies and tricks and cartwheels- doing which should be left to those who really have no other choice than pinching pennies ( families with many children, older people with a small retirement pension, ).
If you are not in dire straits, it's simpler if your bf has a look at the official stats for the cost of living in UK ( very sobering reading :) , and then … grows up and comes to terms with the fact that he needs to cough out something more than he 'd like .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2019):
 .. Did his mom shop for him before you moved in? Otherwise I dont get why he is clueless about the cost of food. Just take the receipt and give it to him. End of the problem. Btw why are you always doing the shopping? Why doesnt a grown up man shop himself?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2019): Thank you honeypie, great advice as always and I am going to suggest we do that, we already agreed last night to keep all food receipts for the month and get a general idea, he said 'oh we are being adults' so all it takes is communication I guess
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2019): Just get him to do the food shopping for a month. He will see how ridiculous he is being. End of problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2019): Tell him you will give him £100 and he can sort the food out. It's not your job to be his carer and shop and cook for him. £50 a week on food for two people sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 October 2019):
KEEP receipts for a months (ALL of them) that you spend on food for the two of you.
Then, sit down with him and make a budget.
Now I know 1 month's receipts doesn't quite show the costs but it will give you BOTH a general idea.
And maybe, you two need to look into HOW to save a bit on the food bill as well, if he think 100 a month is a good amount. FYI, my family (5 people and 6+ cats) the budget is about $600. That is everything from toilet-paper, kitty litter, to food, to laundry soap, cleaning supplies, etc. So it covers a LOT of things. However, I don't buy window cleaner (example) every month that might be a ever 3-4 months, same with many other things. We tried once to take $150 per week and buy week to week. Found it it didn't work for us. We buy the majority of stuff around the first (usually a few days before because THAT is when the best sales are, right before payday) Things such as meat, pasta, rice, frozen things we buy once a month. FRESH fruit and veggies as needed but usually once a week.
PLAN your meals, if you don't already. I made bakes whole chickens (cooked two) yesterday and there is enough left over meats for chicken pot pie tonight and a gumbo tomorrow. So 2 chicken got stretched for 3-4 days. Hubby and the kids LOVE to use leftovers (if it's practical) as lunch the next day. Which means we rarely have any food waste.
Make GOOD shopping lists and STICK to the list, don't just go shopping for "let's say" coffee and end up with a cart full of stuff. And don't go shopping when hungry, yeah I know it sounds silly but studies have shown that people tend to buy WAY more stuff when hungry.
Meal planning and cooking can be done together.
I can EASILY see how a single guy (or woman) didn't spend more that 100 a month of food and stuff. BUT I will BET you bottom dollar that he NEVER added in all the eating out, takeaway food to that number.
IT is probably doable for two people to spend LESS then 200 a months. But the does take a little planning.
Also YOU shouldn't have to pay the difference in what he gives and what you end up spending. YOU both should share that cost.
OR have HIM be in charge of the food/meal planning, cooking and budget. I will make another bet that HE will understand where the money goes after that!
My husband have ALWAYS left that to me. He felt we spend too much on food so he took over the food buying, mostly. Not the cooking or planning though... He came to understand that I was actually FRUGAL with the budget. So it's ONE issue we rarely discuss, and he UNDERSTAND where the money is going.
That would be MY take on it.
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