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female
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*lizabeth01
writes: my partner and i have been together for almost 4 years and have a beautiful son. but my partner has no respect for me and controls everything. after my son was born he would not give me any money it was 8 months until he started to give me $15 a week then eventually went up to $20. Then he wanted to move downstairs from his parents. i said the only way i would do that is if i get $40 a week. He tried to get out of that after we moved in but i did end up getting that because his parents knew about it. but now he will not give anough money for food and my sons needs so i have to put my allowance towards that. He says he only get $40 a week as well but i know for a fact that it is untrue. he shows no affections to me unless he wants sex(which is all about pleasing him ) he was calling me fat ugly and stupid until his family found out and had a talk to him. now he just calls me useless. Everything i do is wrong. and anything i ask for he always says no because he reckons once he says yes i would expect it all the time. He is controlling is the way where he will make me feel bad if i want to do somthing with my only friend or family. We fight all the time. I am just so frustrated. i want to be able to have available all the things that would be good for my son. What should i do? I just want whats best for my son and i. Every time i think of leaving i get scared
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female
reader, done it  +, writes (8 August 2008):
There are some really bad signs in your relations. He sounds jealous, controlling and stingy but yet he is not really providing for the care he needs you to be under. I don't like the sound of your relationship, I think he will start to turn violent, and let me tell you something being alone is not as scary as living in a violent relationship is.
leaving doesn't need to be terrifying, but what you do is write up a plan first, and keep it somewhere, you do a little research and find out "how" you can leave and what you can do, you can go to advice centers about this and find out how you could leave and how you could raise enough finance to do so, it will provide you with a short term solution should you need to make that choice. I really wish some men would just get their act together and be responsible but well this is some men for you who just think bullying is more important than being a husband and a father, I have seen this so many times.
In the meantime try to keep a channel open with your family, try to call them from a phonebox if you have to go out when he is not with you, don't isolate yourself, and explain to them what is going on, it is all very well you living with him and his family but you need to keep open life lines to give you a supportive ear, I would also use the samaritans should you need any other advice and again just don't tell him about it. Don't sit there with your esteem lowering itself, find out what you can do in your situaiton, deal with your own fears/ worries and just keep some other people in the background, also get the relevant advice, dont' be the dependant he is trying to turn you into, it is so you will only live under his control and that is a really awful life to lead. Think of number one a bit here. Do what you have to do. Good luck hun and take care and keep your chin up what he calls you is bullying it isn't true. Don't let him lower your worth. You are who you are, not who he says you are.
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (12 July 2006):
 You have got to get out now....this man is nothing more then a big bully....He lacks self esteem and has no self confidence so therefore he takes it out on you.He cant provide a decent life for you or your son...in other words...he is a waste of space.Build enough courage to move out and ask your family to help because if you dont...you are going to live a miserable life and i guarantee your son will suffer...and i know you dont want that.If this man had any feelings for you he wouldn't be calling you every name under the sun...he would give you enough housekeeping money to live on...he would show you that loves you and wants to take care of you and his son...but he doesn't.Please get out of this relationship...you will thank me in a year's time.Never settle for second best...not even for your child.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (12 July 2006):
You have got to get out now....this man is nothing more then a big bully....He lacks self esteem and has no self confidence so therefore he takes it out on you.He cant provide a decent life for you or your son...in other words...he is a waste of space.Build enough courage to move out and ask your family to help because if you dont...you are going to live a miserable life and i guarantee your son will suffer...and i know you dont want that.If this man had any feelings for you he wouldn't be calling you every name under the sun...he would give you enough housekeeping money to live on...he would show you that loves you and wants to take care of you and his son...but he doesn't.Please get out of this relationship...you will thank me in a year's time.Never settle for second best...not even for your child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): It really all depends on how much you want better for yourself. If the need to get out is strong enough then you will find the strength to do it. It doesnt sound like he will change if he has gotten away with it for 4 years. If you relly were serious about leaving then maybe it would shock him into changing sometimes it does do wonders. He might end up realising that he really loves and needs you and needs to treat you differently. Whatever you do though you deserve (as does he) to be happy and if you are not happy at the momoent then maybe something does need to change.Hope that things work out for you,xxx
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