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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend recently went away for almost a month and he claims that he has not cheated. He gives me conflicting responses to the number of condoms he has, the amount we use and the reason he had them while away. I have been giving him oral sex for the past two years. Since he returns whenever I do this my throat itches. I believe there is something he is not telling me. He knows that if he reveals that he has cheated on me a third time, I will leave him and I believe this is the reason why he will not admit that he has cheated. I have no evidence that he has but my gut feeling tells me that he has. He denies it. He treats me really well, our families are close and he is my best friend. Should I just try to believe him and move on are do you think I should be persistent in getting him to confess? We are both in our young twenties. I have never cheated on him and have been with him for over three years.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): Well, I am responding to my own question. He confessed that he was with another girl, was wearing a condom but did not have sex. He still claims that he loves me and he will never do this again. He has cheated before. I am still in the relationship but it is not working out. I do not trust him and we argue all the time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): be persistent and get tested for STDs! now!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 October 2005):
 Last time I checked, condoms weren't really recommended for keeping boots dry on rainy days, for kids' party balloons or for storing salamis... In fact, I can only think of one thing that condoms are really good for. If your boyfriend felt that he needed some when he went away, then it sounds like he thought he was going to use them.
Try to approach this situation rationally in your own mind. If he didn't intend to have sex with someone, why did he need condoms? Then again, he can't prove that he's innocent either. If he's cheated twice before, then you probably have a good case for presuming he's done it again. People who cheat on their partners very rarely correct their ways.
If you think that he might have given you an STI, don't wait! Get to your doc or health clinic soonest and have a swab done. He might have given you something relatively easy to cure, but then again, maybe not.
Once you have your test results, you may not need to badger him into "confessing" (which I strongly suspect he won't do anyway). If the tests are negative, then only you can decide how important this issue is to your future happiness. How will you feel if you stay with him and this happens again and again? What if he never confesses?
If this guy really is your "best friend", and if he's taking condoms away on trips with him - and using them - and possibly bringing back sexually-transmitted diseases, then you might reconsider your definition of a "friend".
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