A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am just trying to come to terms with my partner of 10 years affair and although he said he loves me and he just did it for some excitement I am finding it difficult to get close to him again And although I thought I would try not to spy on him after coming back from a break with my sister I ended up reading his computer and was shocked by what I found. He has so many e mail addresses and one of them certainly would be one linked to a porn site . I also found very sexually explicit photos of the woman he was with which he hasn't cleared and wonder why he has kept these on. However apart from that despite being with him all this time he has never introduced me to any of his colleagues (he has no friends to speak of) and when I ask to meet him after work he isn't very happy as he says he likes to keep work separate. . He has been communicating with a work colleague from overseas as he also has worked abroad a lot and it seems he is acting as a single man as I am not mentioned anywhere but he has also told this man lies about what he does. He said last year he couldn't reply to him as he had just come back from Colorado and he was in Scotland with me and another said he was away with a friend in Norfolk who was having chemo therapy when we were on holiday with my grandchildren. Their conversation is general but he is very knowledgeable on advising his friend which bars to go to pick up women. There is an age difference between us and I am now thinking he is just using my home for his comfort but has another single life when he leaves in the morning and I don't really exist. Should I email his friend and introduce myself and let him know about all the lies or confront my partner about what I have found out and then tell him to pack up and go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): Rather than contacting people to say you exist, why not just suggest that he pack his things and leave?
You've got a ton of evidence he's carrying on another life; and you even accuse him of just living with you for comfort.
You can't complain when you find violation after violation and do nothing but get upset about it.
How much does he have to do before you realize the guy only tells you what you want to hear, and does as he pleases? He fears no consequences. He puts out all his fires by telling you he loves you. It's almost a mockery; because you accept it knowing it isn't true.
No one's happy and enjoying life in your home, but your partner. So when are you going to kick him out?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 September 2014):
 No, don't e-mail his friends.
TALK to your guy and don't let him give you the run around.
Or DECIDE for yourself if you are happy with things as they are or not. If you are not (and it sounds that way) IDENTIFY what it is you are unhappy with and BRING it up. If he is willing to answer and make it work then make it work, or maybe it's just time to walk away.
You have been together for 10 years and he wants to keep you separate from work? That just sounds weird. I mean you going to his work to pick him up is not something odd, it's pretty normal that you met the people your SO is around 30-70 hours a week.
Not mentioning you in e-mail, to a work colleague I don't find weird. Not everyone shares great details about their family wife with co-workers. Though LYING about his whereabouts seems strange. He could have said he was in Scotland instead of Colorado.
Keeping explicit photos of the woman he cheated on you with? Yea, big fat no-no in my book.
You seem to have a lot of red flags with this guy.
Figure out what YOU want. What you want from him, then talk. If he is willing to work on making things better the good, if not.. why stay? Why not tell him, sorry this is no longer working for me. I can't trust you, you are sneaky and acting single... you got 2 weeks to move out. Good luck.
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