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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner and I met very shortly after her husband left her. It has only been about two years, but she still gets very hurt whenever she hears about his new girlfrind and how much he loves her. Now, I find that I am feeling hurt when she reacts this way. What can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): she isnt over him give her time and in isolation what you are playing is the part of a chaperone. you dont need to know this and it is not a part of your life get active in different circles. no i m not asking you to rid of her but stay away so that the boundaries of ruined pasts and prospective futures are defined in her head
A
female
reader, smileyhugs +, writes (11 September 2006):
Simply, the best way to deal with this is to communicate. She needs to know that this upsets you. Perhaps by talking this through, she can take on your feelings more, and explain her own.
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A
female
reader, Angel_A +, writes (10 September 2006):
 I think you need to go easy on her, a failed relationship is like a bereavement and it's always going to be hard to hear that an ex has moved on and has this "roses round the door" life that he couldn't have with her. It doesn't mean she loves you less, she perhaps feels sad that she "wasted" her time on this guy and it didn't work out, but yet it seems to be working out with someone else.
She may be feeling that she wasn't good enough for him, and that "if only" she'd been a certain way then she would still be with him without the failed relationship in her past. I don't think it means she loves you any less, but she's bound to think of the past when she hears him mentioned and it's only natural to think about what could have been.
If I think of my ex I would do the same if he was with someone else, after a near on 7 year relationship I invested so much time and emotion to him to leave me with me with nothing, of course it has an effect on my life and how I feel and I resent him for this. if I heard my ex was coupled up, engaged or had kids I'd feel alot of envy and sadness about it, but I WOULD NOT want to be with him now, I'd resent him for not wanting that with me that's all, that I wasn't enough for him.
I'd suggest you just bear with her, and reassure her that you love her and are there for the long haul - try not to take it personally, I doubt it is meant as anything against you, but sadly most of us do have a past and sometimes it's hard to apply reason to the past because it can feel so hurtful and pointless when you look back.
x
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