A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner has just auditioned for uni in the states and it went very badly. He is an amazing musician but the nerves ruined his audition and now he fears he has blown his last shot at a serious education and career in music. I am very sad about it as not only do i know he is more than good enough to get it but i know he's devastated. The problem is no one has asked me how i feel. This is all my partner and i have talked about for over two years. I work a shit job and have supported him for the past year so he can prepare for this. Ive given up any of my dreams and made no plans of my own until i knew what was going on with this. We also had planned to get married if he got in. Only because it would make the move over there easier. i agreed put children on hold until he finished even though i didn't really want to be 31 when i had our first child and i had finally started to get excited about the prospect of watching the person i love the most for fill his dreams. Now non of it will happen. I am going to try and talk him into re auditioning but it took him 6 years to finally pluck up the courage to do it and i think he will just say no. But inside I'm gutted too. Not just for him but for all the things we had planned together and secretly i was very excited about getting married to him but i know now he wont be going he's not interested as he told me he would only really do it to make the move easier. I don't know what to think. is it wrong for me to feel upset or should i just forget about my feeling and support him. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have been together for 6 years and known each other for 10. I had a shot at uni and I blew it I hated the course and ended up dropping out. He waited about and looked after me while I went for 2 years. This was his turn. The thing with auditioning is he only gets one chance the uni is in Boston USA and we live north of England. He had waited 6 years.
To anon I have my dreams and they are to perform and teach vocals. But the opportunity is not here in this country I have my grades I have a teaching grade too but the jobs just arnt here. I worked in college teaching but the government cut funding and I lost that job. Now I have worked solidly for the past year in a job I hate supporting him. He brings in no money and has focused solely on this.
As for marriage its nothing to do with providing me a life I have better grades more job experience and more money than he does. iI wanted to marry him because I love him. He comes from a divorced background so its never been high on his agenda but I was secretly rather looking forward to being his wife.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Do you know how many times a person is going to fail at an audition before they nail one?For every successful audition most people will have to wade through about 10 or so failed ones, even more if it's a particularly competitive city.The key is to learn something new from each and every failure. Ask for feedback (most will give it). Mope around a little for a day or two, it's natural, and then go again and again, for as many companies and schools you can.Practise with friends (being on a stage is far less harrowing for most than having to do something like this in small rooms with a panel of six people you can make ye contact with, believe me).You don't need to forget how you're feeling about this either, but I urge you not to give up because of a single failure and I urge you to try to help your guy not do so either. Try to get him to analyse his dud audition and then help him to overcome whatever problems caused it.Plus getting married just because it makes something else easier is not a great way to start one... remember that. Get married because it's the most natural way to express your love for each other.Anyway, don't give up. Every failed audition just brings with it more knowledge and more experience and THAT (coupled with plenty of practice and talent and ambition) is what will lead to a success... not just lucking it out.Hope this makes sense... and sorry for the length.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): The problem is you pinned yourself to someone else's dreams and goals instead of your own. Just like him, you are fearful of failure but you ride on the coat tails of another person's experiences because you are too afraid of developing your own.
This really has nothing to do with getting married. Had he wanted to buy you a ring, propose, and marry you he would have done it already.
Marriage is not about a man providing a life for you. A man will be extremely resistant to marrying a woman who does not know how to create her own life and who doesn't have her own passions.
Get back to your own goals and dreams and find the courage to make them happen.
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