A
female
age
51-59,
*oggins
writes:HiI've been with my partner for 3 half years. I was due to move on with him next month. In October I found out I was pregnant and was so happy. I'm 41 and my son has left home. My bf wasn't too keen at first but eventually began to get excited. Although he did say he wasn't going to be present at the birth, he didn't attend his 2 other kids birth either cos he's 'old fashioned' he said.Well in the 10 weeks of the pregnancy I had 4 emergency scans and was in A and e twice. He never came of offered to come once, my baby died on Tuesday and I'm now waiting to miscarry it's been 8 days and nothing. I was angry as he never came to the hospital he said I never asked and I went down his phone and he'd been talking and joking with his ex every day he text her when he told me he never hears from her hardly. He went mad about that and is now not speaking to me hardly at all. He told me the baby was 'just as well that it didn't happen' he just didn't seem to care about the miscarriage and the fact I had no support from him just livid that I had found messages to his ex.Now I'm at home waiting to miscarry our baby and I've told him I'm worried about it he just text back 'see the doctor' How can he be so cold and keep in contact with his ex for 3 half years when she cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else and now the kids in care coz she neglected it and is an alcoholic.
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female
reader, FRICAN  +, writes (9 December 2011):
My heart goes out to u..i have been in the same situation six yrs ago, in hospital having our first child after 4 yrs of waiting, and on on the day i was delivering, he was no where to be found, what hurt most is when he came to see me in the ward with his friends the next day ,he never even touched our child, he sat so far away from me,and walked out when the rest did....it was devastating, and i wont wish any woman to go through that,. i suffred the worst kind of post partum depression...i stayed with him hoping he will change but never, i had to do it for myself and though it was painful i did...he never acted or treated our daugher well, he was mean ,stingy,self centered, cold hearted man.... My advise to u my dear lady, you got the strenght, look for it deep down inside u, if i made it u can,go for counseling, occupy yourself, talk to your family and friends and with time you will be fine... Dont be in a relationship that is draining u emotionally and psycologically, u will rather be single than be stuck with an animal like him.ALL THE BEST AND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH U..MAY U FIND THE STRENGHT TO GO THROUGH THIS PAINFUL MOMENTS..
A
female
reader, LittleMissMellie  +, writes (8 December 2011):
I read this and felt awful. What a horrible, selfish, mean, nasty, controlling person he is. How can anyone be so cold and mean to you especially right now. If he is joking with his ex and lying about it to start with I say ditch him. But especially when you are going through all of this he is writing to someone else? Why are you still with him? Get away from him now, leave as fast as you can and never look back. He is an abuser and liar and you don't need either.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Im sorry to hear what has happened to you. You deserve better in your life. Leave him and move on. Find someone who will love and care for you like you deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): What a callous, selfish, pathetic excuse for a human being! I think all on here will be in agreement that you're a million times better off without such a person in your life. Cut him out of your life once and for all.
I'm so sorry about your baby. I hope you have family and friends to support you through these difficult days, and may time bring you peace and closure on this painful chapter of your life. Good luck, take care and God Bless x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): This is a man who wants no emotional connection with you or his child. He's uncaring, insenstive which means ABUSIVE NEGLECTFUL.
Please get some GUMPTION and kick his sorry excuse of an ass to the curb.
You DESERVE a loving, caring man and he's out there, waiting for you.
*fierce hug*
The thing about cowardly men, they treat women like garbage because its how they feel empowered. Sad huh?
A strong, loving MAN, man in the true sense of the word, is about loving and caring for the woman he loves.
You don't need this abusive jerk.
Get strong, healthy, seek some support via a womens group and counselling.
Hang in There SWEETS!!
xoxo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): He's shown his true colours when at your lowest point - but you sound like you are STILL with him?
I know how difficult and sad losing the baby is but this cold hearted man is only adding to your trauma.He has no interest in anyone but himself.
Your relationship is over.
Let him go to his Ex, they sound like they deserve each other
Sorry. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I would end this relationship. Honestly, how can you carry on when he is so unfeeling and heartless? There is no answer that can help you change him - gather what courage you can muster and finish with him. It is the only answer. Take care.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 It's the end of the road now and I would urge you to cut your losses now. Get rid of this loser.
Sorry about your sad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): If what you said is true, then you should not walk, but run from this guy. I know it's difficult, but whatever you think you have with him is mostly in your mind- start looking at his behaviour. Acting cold and uncaring under such circumstances is not something that can be overlooked, lying to you about an ex he was joking with while you were going from something this thraumatic is not forgivable. Open your eyes and see the cold truth- this guy not only doesn't seem to care about you, he's also an awful person. Focus more on yourself, try to move on with your life and cut him loose before he hurts you even more.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 December 2011):
 "old fashioned" means going to the hospital and waiting outside the door until everything is done. Old fashioned doesn't mean leaving you alone to go through this and texting his ex-girlfriend. Nothing old fashioned about that, old fashioned means having some type of decency, morality and manners. Old fashioned means trying to be a GENTLEman.
Guy sounds like a pig... what do you need him for anyway, your going through one of the worst times in your life, if he can't help you now, what point does he have.
~Sorry about the baby, and the uncaring unfeeling man.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Sounds like you've got a great partner there.... Are you REALLY planning on staying with him for more than another few hours???????
You can do better. Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 "Watch a man in times of... adversity to discover what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off. "
~Lucretius, On the Nature of Things
I'm sorry you had to go through this hell, but at least now you know this is exactly the kind of guy you DON'T want to be with.
OP, you are 41 years old, you've known your partner for 3 years, you had a life for 38 whole years before you met him. Trust me, you know how to take care of yourself and you do not need this horrible, uncaring man in your life to make you feel good. He didn't even seem to want the baby in the first place, I'm sure he would have made a lousy father and all he cares about is himself, his happiness, his wants,his desires. He has no time or feelings for you, when you need him.
To hell with him, he deserves that ex of his, that is his level, and that is why he is drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Hi noggins,
I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry for the pain you are going through. As I am reading your post I cannot believe? I know you've been together 3 half years. I know you do care for this man. I know it's hard to let go of him because you love him and are attached to him.
I don't want to be harsh and I am not judging you, I am just expressing my opinion. But, why are you still with him? I don't understand? He doens't take care of you, specially now that you are going though such a difficult time. You need mental and physical support. He should have taken you to the hospital, you don't have to ask... Besides all the events that occured during the time you were pregnant, (still cannot believe he didn't do a thing!!! My God...) if wasn't enough, he lied to you in your face for 3 half years? He had time contacting, joking, etc everyday, several times a day w/his ex but cannot take you to the hospital? Be with you? Take care of you?? Disgusting.... I do not like to judge people, because I always believe it's not my place, and we are all equal, however I feel disgusted with people that have addiction and do not seek help, ( I know people don't choose to be addict, but they should get into rehab, don't waste life, destroy's everyone lives involved), on top of destroying her own life, she has innocent children and neglect them.... Also, she's a cheater... So sad.... When I see these kind of people, indent understand how Gid created people like that?
I hope you have enough strengh to stay away from this man for the rest of your life. I rather be alone than sharing my life with a man that is so cruel, so cold hearted, so unfair, so selfish, have no compassion, no character or integrity. To be honest, these 2 deserve each other... Absolutely perfect match in all ( morals, character, everything ) let them be together, text everyday, do whatever. Please, you don't belong with these kind of people. You deserve so much better... I hope you make the right decision...
What's important right now is for you to get healthy again. Eat well, plenty of rest, be calm, be strong, you is what matters now... Pay attention to your lovely son, and spend time with him, and spend a happy holidays w/your son, cook a nice meal, make your place nice, pretty, cousey....
If you don't have much opportunity to meet men, join a dating site... Make sure it's legity, and have good reviews. There are plenty of single good men out there. I guess you are used go be with him, but know that the way he behaves it's not normal, he's not old school, he's selfish cruel human being!!!
Best wishes / good luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I think that his not speaking to you is good. Because if he spoke to you he would probably be abusive to you even further.... He's cold to you because he's a selfish person who only cares about himself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Sounds like he 1. didn't want to be a father, 2. is an uncaring a-hole. 3.Keeping in contact with the ex because it's easier then to deal with you and your feelings.
Sorry about the miscarriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): If what you said is true, then you should not walk, but run from this guy. I know it's difficult, but whatever you think you have with him is mostly in your mind- start looking at his behaviour. Acting cold and uncaring under such circumstances is not something that can be overlooked, lying to you about an ex he was joking with while you were going from something this thraumatic is not forgivable. Open your eyes and see the cold truth- this guy not only doesn't seem to care about you, he's also an awful person. Focus more on yourself, try to move on with your life and cut him loose before he hurts you even more.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 December 2011):
 You ask how he can be so cold? I have to ask why the heck are you still with this unfeeling monster?
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