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female
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anonymous
writes: The man that I have been in a sexual relationship for 2 years is confusing me. He is bad tempered and can be really nasty to me telling me that it's over and doesn't seem bothered at my distress... However I have stayed away and he always comes running, telling me that he loves me so I go back. The latest is that he has been seeing a 19 year old. He is 40. The girl has gone back to her home country of Poland and he has won me over once again. He knows that I adore him and he can be lovely to me but I'm going mad as I can't deal with the young girl. Please help. Eve Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babybluegirl +, writes (29 September 2005):
your being weak! Do you love him? If you love him and he treats you this way, give it up. He knows he can do this to you so its all a game to him... I'd say the heck with it
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2005): Eve, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with this man and he will destroy any or all sense of value you uphold in yourself. Already he has caused so many self-doubts and low self-esteem in you. This is not love, dear-it's abuse. Anyone like your bf, who gets thrills hurting someone, especially someone he allegedly loves, is obviously an insecure, rage-filled lost soul.
He knows the effect of his words, and the pain his affair with the young girl, caused you-yet he continues the ill treatment of you. So there's only one thing to do. Dump him and don't delay. Only when this sadist is out of your life can you regain perspective to finally see that his insults and provocations say nothing about your personality and everything about his. A man who truly knows how to love will build his girlfriend's self-esteem up, not tear it down.
Get into some counseling and look to the reasons you stayed for so long in such an unhealthy relationship. Do some self-reflection now and you're much less likely to get involved with a mirror image of your ex. I wish you well my dear and be strong. Help yourself but in order to heal and get through the pain. Never allow anyone to ever treat you this way..again. Eve, you deserve so much more. Please believe in yourself.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (28 September 2005):
 This sounds like a very dangerous relationship to be in for anyone and I would advise you to get out now. It sounds like he isn't a very nice person and likes to have control over you. People who love and care about you do not act this way, they give you freedom, respect you and look after you. They definitely do not even think about other women.
Get out while you can, this way of life is no good for you. Eve, you seem really nice and just need to get some your self esteem back. After a long time of being with someone like that, they start to grind you down and you are under their control, which is exactly how they like it. You can't change people, as many of us sometimes hope we can so just get out before he drags you down even further. Good luck :)
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reader, megz x-x +, writes (28 September 2005):
 Eve, your obviously a very kind and loving person, that why youkeep giving your partner another chance, however you also seem intelegent enough to see that somethings not quite right. Its very easy for people to say "just leave him hes taking advantage of you!!!" but at the end of the day ... its your life. You have the sense to know that this man is obvious making you so miserable that your turnign to take help form others. You need to get back into control of the situtation.
Your obviously a nice person so in my views you have 2 options.
1. Just leave him and sever all contacts wiht him - hes obviously not going to stand for a total break up
or (andthis is the one that i would choose)
2. Sit down wiht him and explain to him tha tit is definately over now....your a srotngperson and you can do it. If you feel yourself getting swayed by hi i want you to close your eyes and block him out while thinking of all the pain that YOU felt each time he has let you down, then look a t him.... youll see him for what he is.
This only reason you keep taking him back is because he is all youve known for the past 2 years. If you do decide to break up with him, your go out into the world with your great personlaity and find someone who will want to take cae of you rather than muck you around. Hope this has helped!
love and hugs
megz x-x-x
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