A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles,I have been with my partner for 6 yrs now - we do not live together - i live with my children (18 and 22) and he lives with his son (age 19). We have talked about living together at some point, once he has recovered from his divorce (his divorce came through a year ago). When I met him he was estranged from his wife and she was seeing somebody else but they only sorted their divorce out in 2006 (for financial reasons) and it became final in 2007.My problem is that my partner constantly criticises me and it has got worse. He has said things to me, over the last few weeks, calling me a 'failure' and a 'loser' because I live in a Council house and because I have not paid off all my debts (I was left in debt by my children's father and have slowly, on a low income, paid them all off except for one overdraft, which i will be tackling next). I now earn more money and should be able to sort out this last outstanding debt. I have gone to college whilst bringing up three children (before i met him) and got a degree and over the last 3 yrs have got a better paid job, with 2 promotions in the last 2 yrs. I cannot afford to buy my own house at the moment but plan to try within the next 5 yrs. I live in a nice house which is well kempt and is a happy home for my children and myself.My partner himself has no ambitions (he has been in the same job at the same level) and yet expects me to 'improve' as he puts it, yet he himself just wants to stay as he is. He also wants me to lose more weight - I have lost 3 stone in the last 5 yrs which he says is 'not good enough'. I am quite tall, medium build and not in that bad a shape but do need to lose a couple more stone. I look after myself in all other aspects but have found the weight loss a struggle.Yesterday he called me a 'bitch' a 'loser' and a 'failure' and said 'what have you got to show for yourself, you live in a council house with your two kids and you have not progressed at all ...' i found these comments SO hurtful and am feeling angry and upset. I am now sure how to deal with this. When i then challenge him about his own shortcomings he shouts and swears and says 'i don't want to f**king talk about it'. Any advice, insight would be helpful. Thank you x
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ambition, debt, divorce, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Fairly simple what you can do. Tell him to bugger off. Find someone nice. He's not nice. End of story. : )
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Okay, you have succesfully paid of most of the debt left by your ex, raised two kids on your with limited means, kept the family fed and sheltered and together, educated yourself, got a job that is going well.
Good for you, pat yourself on your back your deserve it.
Just one job left to do. Ditch the asshole.
By tearing you down he makes himself look big, or so he thinks. You seen it in yourself, people only approve on their own accord, because they themselves want to.
You can't change other people, no an asshole won't be healed by the love of a good woman.
Can't really add anything the others haven't already said, which should be proof enough how bloody obvious it is that this guy is wrong for you.
You can do better then him.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (24 March 2008):
 he is a dick and from what i can see there is a consensus here that he is doing you no good.
putting you down is his way of trying keep you, as he himself is the loser and you can see it. you are admirable in your desire to try hard and work for what you want from life. move on and do yourself justice.
relationships can follow a career path just like jobs, if your man was a job would you stick it out or move on to something better? what do you gain from being with him? anything at all?
time for a change?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 The fact that he probably is intimidated by your own success at putting your life together while his is a mess is no excuse for his behavior towards you. In fact it shows quite a bit into his character. I know it's hard to break it off with someone you've been with for 6 years but I think a break is just what you need. Dusky is right, he should be making you feel like a million bucks not attacking your self-esteem. Tell him you want some time apart and mention seeing others as well. I think you can then think much more clearly about this relationship and where it is going, plus you may meet other people and realize how wonderful some men can be. Try it anyways what have you got to lose?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I've got to agree with duskyrowe. If he called you a bitch once when the 2 of you were having a heated argument and then felt sorry and apologized then that is not such a biggie, but what he is doing is totally wrong, mean and unacceptable and he will only run you down more and more. I unfairly critisized my wife many years ago, but not nearly as bad as that and it hurt her. Fortunately, I got a brain and things have very good since. I'm sure that my wife would have left me if I had been as bad as it sounds that he is.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 March 2008):
 What I am gonna say to you is going to be not what you want to hear, but I am gonna say it anyway.
Under no circumstances do you move in with this NASTY PATHETIC LITTLE WORM, he does nothing but belittle you and calls you vile names. Do you really want to be with someone who constantly undermines you and makes you feel like crap? He will only strip away every little bit of self-esteem that you have and make your life a misery.
He should be making you feel like that you are the most beautiful woman in the world and treat you acordingly.
By getting a degree and getting two promotions you have accheived a lot more than he ever will, you should be proud of your accheivements. Let him stew in his own miserable existance and move on with your life and find a REAL MAN. I wish you the very best luck of the future. Dusky xxxx
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