A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I've just stumbled upon this community and felt compelled to ask for advice. I am currently in a relationship with my partner and we've been together for almost 3 years. We're not married and don't have children. We're in our mid thirties. We do however own a business together. We've had the business about 2 years. We've poured our lives into the business and neither of us wants to give it up. It has become apparent that our relationship isn't working. We're both stubborn, we're both sensitive and we argue, a lot. I feel she's unreasonable, overly sensitive, too defensive (which makes her attack me). I'm sure she'd say the same or similar about me. I now feel that she's a massive pressure pushing down on me, often my chest feels tight (I'm healthy, don't worry!) and I feel down trodden and taken for granted. In my heart I feel we should separate and I think she probably thinks the same. We can get separate places to live, that's no problem. But it's our business that's the issue. As I mentioned before, we've dedicated our lives to it (perhaps one reason why we're struggling as a couple but not the sole reason) and neither of us will want to give up their half of it. This means that if we were to separate, we will have to continue seeing each other regularly, continue talking, continue being adult about things. My concern is how this would affect me. With my previous break ups I've had space to get over the person (it took almost 2 years of zero contact to get over one person). I'm quite a jealous person and I my partner will find it very easy to meet someone else, she's a popular and attractive girl. The thought of it is bad but the reality, which I will have to see in person (we also live in a very small town) I fear would tear me up. I'm not sure I can handle it. So therefore I'm considering trying to keep on with the relationship as that seems like the easy option, despite knowing it's wrong. Obviously I've not taken in to account what my partner wants here but for once I'm being selfish and focusing on my own feelings. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2017): Lots of info missing that might point us as to how to help. You were together a year and started a business you poured your lives into... but you did not pour your heart into the relationship.
How did you meet, how did you decide to go into business together, did you ever consider the real and common situation of the business partners deciding to end the business partnership? If not why not?
You say your concern is how this would affect yoi... that was the ideal question to ask 2 years ago!!!! Did you never contemplate the possibility of a basic business separation?
Did you have any previous experience in this business?
And why not tell us broadly what the business entails?
Did you incorporate in your state? The US states all individually control business and licenses and state taxes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2017): Having some friends I've known for years who own a law-practice together; I've seen that your business can continue and prosper. I think you're letting ego and your resentment cloud your better judgement. If you knew the personalities of these two, you'd wonder how in the world?
They're both super-intelligent! They know even though the marriage failed; the business hasn't! She would have gotten all the clients; because she's the better lawyer of the two. They would have gone with her if they split. He was smart enough to know that.
She's my personal-attorney, as well as my friend. He's still my friend as well. We all met through my mate of 28 years; who was also an attorney. My mate has passed-on.
Your business and marriage are separate entities. Your marriage is emotionally-based; but a business is intellectually-structured, impersonal when it comes to disagreements, and is strictly for the money.
You both have to survive, and you need to learn how to get your feelings and nonsense under control. You've invested a lot to create the business, and would have to start from scratch; or get a job. It took-two to build it. One-half may not run it as well as it was before; or it might take time to get back to where you are now. You run a business with your head, but a marriage is run from the heart.
You need to go no-contact? Then see each other only when necessary. Live your lives separately. Come in on separate days of the week; while one works from home. As for your jealousy, it's not going to make any difference if you don't see her. You'll hear things through the grapevine. It's a small world; and unless she disappeared from the face of the earth; you'll cross paths sooner or later.
You're a grown-man, and pouting or holding grudges will solve nothing. Go ahead and roll the dice. Karma and destiny may not rule in your favor. You dealing with her is no longer a marital-commitment. It's partners in a business.
If neither will sell their share, then grow-up. It's about the money!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (20 June 2017):
 It's not clear whether your relationship problems are due to the stress put on it by the business.The way to handle a business concern with a spouse or similar is to defer to each other in particular areas. Whatever your separate strengths or interests are, then that person calls the shots in that area.If you can get the business level and profitable then perhaps you can decide to sell. That way you can both walk away with something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2017): Youre saying you want to end the relationship but your only concern is your mutual business!
As you havent asked her what her response is you have presumed that she would want to keep on with the business while you put up with her meeting new guys!
But what makes you so sure?
She may want to sell her 50% and move on and away from you!
Being surrounded every minute by a newly exed partner is unpleasant and unnecessary as the business isnt children!
Tell your partner you are over her and see if she wants to buy out or sell you out otherwise you will never know and you are both wasting time!
She might be furious or not!
You could try honesty?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2017): Do you still love her, and would relationship counselling help you both understand each other a bit better and communicate?
That way you can learn more about how to relate to each other. Perhaps separate your personal lives from the businesss a bit more if you can.
If you don't actually really want the relationship to end, perhaps go down the route of therapy first and see can you figure things out?
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