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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I am divorced, my partner is still married but not living with his wife. We both have children but not together. There is no sign that he is going to divorce his wife, his usual reason is money and threat to his family business. Once a month he meets her for a meal. He also sees her on her birthday, christmas, mothers day, easter etc but other than that we see each other 4 nights a week and spend a lot of every day time together including summer holidays with my children and weekends away. Mostly I am reasonably content with our time together but when he spends time with his ex it really upsets me. We talk but he says I am being stupid and it usually ends up in stalemate. I have stopped saying I love him because he never reciprocates the feeling and I just feel that this is going nowhere but end up shrugging it off and carrying on. Should I stick it out or is it time to move on?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
If you dont feel that you are getting the love that you need from this man then you need to move on.
Obviously, being a mother yourself you will understand his need to take time with his children, however, he should be making time for you and making you feel special. if he is not doing this then its time to question whether you awnt to be with him or not....think about what things would be like 10 years down the line if it continues as it has been...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2005): Unless, you are a very patient woman and plan on waiting a long time...you may want to consider moving on. He's not ready to start building a life with you because he still has quite feelings of attachment toward his ex-wife. And he is responsible for helping her with parenting duties for their children.
Because of the children, he will always have a connection with his ex-wife for the rest of his life. You cannot do anything to remedy this situation. You have no control over how other people conduct their lives. You only have control over what you do. My advice is to tell him that it hurts you too much to see him spending quality time with her. The kids are a given..he will have to spend special times with them but in most cases, usually the ex-wife steps aside to give him that time, without her being there.
However, He is a package deal and you must decide if you can accept the package. My guess is that the ex-wife has many unsolved issues with her ex-husband and there is really nothing you can do about the way they interact with each other.
As for you, if he is only separated and not divorced, you may want to rethink about continuing a relationship that will never result in a total commitment to you..you really deserve much betterand you deserve someone who makes you a higher priority in his life.
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