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anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years long distance, and he is coming here soon so we will finally be in the same city. Recently I've had some doubts as to whether things are going to work out, and really, I've had these doubts before but we've either talked through them or I've pushed them aside. I told him that the doubts have come back and I think maybe we need to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship, possibly see other people (while continuing to spend time with each other) and figure out if we are really meant to be together. He told me that he has no doubts and never has, and he wouldn't want to see anyone else and would just be waiting for me to come back, and he said that if he let me go and I didn't come back, it would kill him. and even if I did come back, things would never be the same and the relationship would have "lost its innocence" in a way. On the one hand, I can understand his concern, but am wondering if a statement like that is really a bit controlling . . . it puts a lot of pressure on me in a way. Is it normal for someone to be so opposed to what I'm suggesting? Can a relationship survive "time apart" and be stronger than it was before? it would seem to me that if we tried being apart and got back together, it would be because we realized that we are really meant for each other and should be together, and thus things would be better. any thoughts??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
I can understand why he feels it would be bad for him if you had a break.
I believe that he feels that you would be casting him aside to see if you could find someone better and, if you couldnt, then you would 'make do' with him.
Would you like him to make you feel like this, as undoubtedly, you have made him feel that he is not good enough for you.
If you really feel that yopu need a break then the relationship is not right for you and you need to make a break once and for all.
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