A
female
age
41-50,
*otty
writes:i'v always been the type of person that likes to have independance and make an attempt to do things on my own and if im not able to do something then i will ask for help. the problem is my parents. i'm 26yrs seperated with 3 kids my parents spoil them rotten. dont get me wrong, i love my mum and dad to bits, but they just can't help interfering with my life. Everything i do whether it be taking the kids to the park or out on a day trip, mowing the lawn or going shopping they want to be involved. Even when it came to redecorating my house they wanted to be involved, however i asked my bf to help and he did.when they found out my bf helped me they said they were hurt and felt like i was trying to exclude them from my life. im an only child too so that makes life just as hard. i tried to explain that wasn't the case, but they said they didnt want to hear it, my mum even had tears in her eyes causing a mass of guilt to well up inside me which made me angry. I even tried to explain to them that i love them and wanted to grow as an independant individual and that didnt work.this happened 6 months ago and they are finally talking to me now, but how can i tell them to back off without breaking their hearts as they put it. does anyone have any advice how i should go about this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, samohir  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 dear hotty if you find a definite solution, please email me with it! I have the same problem, im the only child (had sister who passed away 6 years ago)and now im 24 and cannot bring myself stopping to interfere in my life.Ive explained to them, writen even a Letter to remind that i love them and will, but have my own life. Now i have put them on IGNORE, and found that its good solution.They talk, i make myself like listening and go my way.Just put the Barin off of what they say.Im 24 had always wanted to go for ex. in Faculty for drama and film which is my decision since long time, and finished medical, now graduating even i know will never be my ocupation. I know how angry you feel and somethimes even depressed, but just Ignore, and work on the things u like and how u think is most appropriate.P.S after graduation i will surely apply and go to the acadamy, but didnt need to wait for so long, did I?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Perhaps you can say, them bringing you every stone to build the castle, you can't learn to build the castle by yourself, or at least it makes you become unsure you know which stones you choose, when they are in so many shapes and dimensions. The stones are the decisions, the castle is your life. And they're more than welcome in the castle, but the stones have to be arranged by you because it makes you feel more confident in yourself, so it's got nothing to do with them in fact. And in the end remind them how you appreciate them and nothing changes in your relation. Just an idea...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): It sounds to me like you are a strong minded women. I feel that you bring your kids up well (and have more than your parents, therefore more experience) so they cant really comment on that aspect.
I think that they offer so much help not because they think you are incapable but because they are concerned about you feeling as though you have to cope on your own.
I think they probably enjoy helping you out, you will always be their baby, especially as you are an only child.
The easiest way to deal with this is to sit down and explain:
You are a grown woman who stands on her own to feet.
You can and do cope very well with your life without needing others to be there for you.
You love them no less than you ever have, but life is a learning curve and you need space.
When you need their help you are big enough and wise enough to ask and if you ask someone other than them then its nothing personal.
Some people tackle dealing with their parents easier by writing it down. Its important to explain that you are not ditching them or leaving them out of your life but it is your choice when and how much they are involved.
Im sure that they mean well and their hearts are certainly in the right place but no matter how much it hurts them emotionally, they have to let go sometime.Hope some of this helps.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Since you are an only child, it sounds like you have always been their "whole world". I'm sure they mean well, but they've become a bit over-protective and over-bearing for someone your age. Maybe you can buy them a book on how to enjoy retirement without their kids, meaning they should start forming friendships with people their own age, take up golf, start going on cruises and having a life that doesn't completely revolve around you. Then sit them down and tell them that you love them dearly but they are smothering you! They've got to start treating you like an adult and allowing you to run your own life, decorate your own apartment and make your own mistakes if necessary. That's what being an adult is all about. They can still be a part of your life. You will still love them no less. Suggest that you and your b/f have brunch with them every Sunday and you will call sometimes to "chat" but other than that, they need to be focusing on their own lives and doing their "own thing" most of the time. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, louie88xx +, writes (25 September 2007):
i no how u feel i like 2 have my own space and like 2 be independent but i had a child 8 month ago e was 2 month early n because of everythong e went frew there all over him like a rash n cause im a single mum they take over n if sumfins wrong there gettin at me 2 ring doctor like im not capable i want 2 move out and get more in 2 my roll of bein es mum insted off bein pushed aside n feelin like a sister 2 him i try 2 tell em 2 bk off n they take it the wrong way n get hurt
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