A
female
age
41-50,
*eavenly_angel
writes:I have been seeing this guy for the past 6 months. When we first started dating things was amazing. The first two months was a like a dream. Then we started to argue all the time. Then it became an EVERY day thing. Over stupid, petty things that I look back on now and wonder why we even did it. Whenever we would get into a fight and I thought I couldnt handle it anymore I broke up with him and told him I needed my space. But deep inside my heart I didnt really want that cuz I love him. So we would get back together. So, on Friady after getting into another agurment on Thursday (well every day of that week) he broke up with me. I took it so hard friday night. I was sick to my stomach, I was shaking and devastated. He said he needed time to think. We still talk and he wants to be friends but what Im confused about is how do you stay friends with someone that you love so much. People make mistakes and I know im VERY bad for it but if two people love each other shouldnt they be able to make it right. I guess my question is, where do I go from here. How do I continue on with this pain. Every day it breaks me down more and more. My heart is shattered and seems to me everything I do is not phaseing me. How does someone fall outta love with you that quick?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, heavenly_angel +, writes (26 September 2007):
heavenly_angel is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really appreciate the feedback so quickly. I kept checking yesterday because I really needed some advice. rcn I understand what your saying. Its sad that it took this for me to understand. I still feel greatful I have him in my life still. We still talk on the phone and he makes sure to text me throughout the day. And it really does give my heart some ease. I came to the conclusion last night I know he needs his time.. I hate coming to terms with this but I want to see him happy and I know when we was together he wasnt happy. I want him to see the real me, Maybe even fall back in love with the person I was 6 months. I have alot of issues goin on in my head right now and im tryin to get that fixed. I had made a doctors appt last week to go talk to a professional about my depression and things. (Thats tomorrow) I know ive been a miserable person. WHich has made everyone else around me miserable too includin him. I wanna be a better person..Its just so hard not knowing if he can give me another chance some day. So much I miss about em that I took for granted at the time. I miss being near him, the way he looked at me, the way we would fall asleep in each others arms at night. If I can get over this I sure hope it makes me a stronger person cuz right now anymore im so weak and walkin a thin line on an emotional break down. Thats how I know I need help. Thanks so much. Really makes it a whole lot better to have someone to talk to.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Some people make better friends than lovers. Here's what I see from your information. You needed space, broke it off all the time, he did the same thing. But he did take the break, and I bet feels it's a bit safer being single than it is with the daily war zone.
Second. All those breaks you said you needed. You didn't list exactly how many, looking at this from a psychological angle, what do you think it says when you call it quits, and then not and then do and then not. It's a way of stating (in an indirect manner) you here for my convenience. You really have to work on your skills in confrontations.
It would be my guess the amount of times you called it quits, increased as the fights would increase? If so, here's what happens: Let's say your boyfriend is a bank, you can make deposits and withdraws. When you're nice, and do something nice, or say something nice, you're making deposits. When you're fighting and calling it quits, your taking a withdraw. When there are more withdraws happening than deposits, our brains literally put up a huge red flag with the relationship as a whole, and then we call it quits and move on. It sounds as if both of you were making huge withdraws.
Yes they can make it right, by learning. A relationship is suppose to be something where you really enjoy the company of someone else. Something that we don't fight over small stuff, because those things don't matter much. You both need to practice compromising, and coming to a solution that works for both of you, without damaging the relationship. It sounds like you guys were acting like children fighting over the last piece of candy, then ending up with nothing in the end.
I know it hurts, and if you want him, you'll need to talk to him. Don't point fingers and don't argue, take responsibility for your part in the fights, and how you know it hurt every time you said it was over.
I hope it works out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, xoWhEnYourArOuNdxo +, writes (26 September 2007):
 My friend is going through a similar situation. The only thing you can really do is talk to this guy. Maybe he feels the same way you do, just because he broke up with you, doesn't mean he'll NEVER want you back. You said that you've broke up with him before, and you still love him. He might want a break, but he might want to start over fresh, probably with less arguments.
I hope i could help:]
...............................
|
