A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My class senior prom is coming up. My parents are trying to pressure me to go but I just do not want to go since none of my friends are going. My friends and I are having a pool party at one of my friends house instead (cheaper and don't have to deal with the headache of prom). My friends are a mixture of males and females. I never have liked high school dances, so I believe I will have a better time at the pool party.I think they want me to go to prom becuase my brother had so much fun at his prom. But what I told my parents is that there are a lot of things my brother likes that I do not like. Is there anyway to get my parents to stop pressuring me to go to prom? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (17 May 2013):
I did not go to my own prom - by choice. I went my junior year to a friends from another town, and that was more than enough.
I just turned 45, and I have not regretted not going for a single minute. I wanted to save the money back then, and Im glad I did.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 May 2013):
 @ Wise Owl E,
I'm not sure what message I intended either. I've been sitting here trying to type it out and it just isn't coming out right. Prom night for me was not the cache of high school memories that I am seeing described here.
@ OP
The safety warnings you are getting here are quite accurate. A pool party has less clothing, thus more intimacy. Alcohol and water are a seriously dangerous mix. Prom is way more important to girls than it is to guys. If there is an important girl in your life, then toughing it out to give her the opportunity to attend is the chivalrous thing to do.
Lastly @ everyone,
Some kids aren't ready to date at this age. They haven't the interest or the emotional maturity. Just because the calendar has reached Senior Prom, does not mean that Junior has. I would never encourage someone to go to Prom (or any other formal dance) as a first date.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013): I'm not quite sure of the message intended from Fatherly Advice. Perhaps he regretted it. He says his own experience is too old to be relevant. So be it.Sometimes facing our fears and dreads about high school, and over-coming peer pressure is how we become leaders and not followers. We establish our own identities. That's part of decision-making and growing up.Speaking from experience, there were a lot of things I could argue in opposition to the wishes of my parents. It isn't that they don't want you to make your own decisions or don't trust you. They don't trust the other kids attending the pool party. They don't want to regret their decision to let you go. If something goes wrong, because there is no adult supervision at that party, you will have a hard time convincing them to let you go to future parties with your friends. Even adults lose it at parties, and I don't know too many kids who can bail themselves out of jail.If they decide to let you go to the pool party. The minute something goes wrong. Get out of there. Go directly home.I know kids and I know teen parties. If kids think proms are lame, they have other plans in mind their parents will not approve of. If you think your parents aren't aware of what those plans may include, you aren't a very smart kid; and their concerns are justified. Which ever event you do attend, I hope you have a good time; and that you return home sober, safe, and sound.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 May 2013):
I'm thinking about this from a parent's point of view. What you want to know is how to convince your parents. So the argument that would win me over goes something like this.
I've not dated During High school, because I didn't feel emotionally ready for that. I have had some good friends and we hang out together but we haven't made commitments. There is no girl out there who is suffering because I haven't asked her to the prom. I may be ready to date now. But the prom is too much pressure. I need to start dating with smaller dates.
I suspect that most of that would be true for you because that is what I see in my town. Now about the pool party. That can be pretty frightening for parents. As a parent I would need to know about the level of supervision. I would want to know about safety measures, and I would want to be invited.
My own prom experience is too old to be relevant but for the vote, I went, I regret it.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): I was just like you - I didn't want to go to prom either, and neither did some of my best friends and we thought about throwing our own party.However our other school mates, teachers, parents etc all convinced us we should go - which we did begrudgingly. We asked out some lovely ladies, we got suited up, we hired a limo, and to tell you the truth - we had an absolute fantastic time! With lots of memories/photos that will always be with everyone that was there that night. Some of those memories are from people that I haven't seen since my school days - but I know we shared an experience that will last a life time. You have everyday for the rest of your lives to have pool parties, and to party it up with your close friends. This is a time to celebrate your school life, your school acquaintances and while you might not like them, while you may or may not like school - in time you will realize that your school days are some of the best of your life. It's one night - it is a rite of passage and instead of being afraid of it - convince your friends to go, and do it with an open mind of having a great night with your friends. You will have a great night! And organize for the pool party the following week to continue the partying :P
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 May 2013):
I went to another girls prom when I was a junior and she was a senior - kinda as a favor bc she was a friend at the time.Another girl asked me to go to ours (like a week before) but I said no.Long story short - Im going to be 45 tomorrow, and not a day goes by that I regret not going to my senior prom. In fact, Im kinda giddy that I was smart enough to save the money back then. If there is a regret, it was saying no to the lady in question. She was the sweetest shyest girl in school, and I only said no because I was kinda seeing someone else and it was so close to the date. But missing the prom itself? No way. Couldnt care less.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Tell your parents that it's charming that THEY want you to go to prom..... BUT, that YOU don't much prefer to "do" school "dances-like" things.... and, so, you'd prefer to do something ELSE on "prom night"..... AND that a friend of your's is having a "pool" party... and that THAT is more in keeping with what you'd like to do..... and, so, why don't THEY (your parents) go to your prom BY THEMSELVES... and have a great time... and bring home pictures for you to see.... whilest YOU will bring THEM pictures of the pool party that YOU attended... and, which party was the talk of the school year... and was 'way more fun that that stupid old prom??????
Cripes.... what kind of parents do kids HAVE nowadays????
My folks would have been ecstatic if I had not gone to my prom... since THEN they wouldn't have had to worry if I was going to "Makeout Point" with my date.... and neither would HER parents have had to worry about what would go on out at Makeout Point.... and would I have used "protection"???? and would we have spawned any kids... and WOULD WE have consumed any alcohol?????
Good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You should sit down and talk to your parents. They have old-fashioned values; and remember their own good feelings about prom-night. They look back on it, and feel it would be a good experience for you too. I suspect there is more than you are telling, and it isn't just because the pool party is cheaper.They may be hard to convince because the prom will have adult supervision, and less likelihood of under-age drinking and drugs. Wink! Wink! (I know better!) Where as the pool party will be attended by a select group (or clique) of kids, who will no doubt get into mischief.Are you unable to find a date for the prom? Do you feel you're a misfit? Is there some particular person going to the pool party that you like, who isn't going to the prom?Have your friends convinced you that going to the prom isn't cool, so you'll feel like a geek for going? Are they testing if you'll rebel and go against your parent's wishes?At your age, your parents get to call the shots. So you'll have to let them know who is attending that party. You're under 18; so if there is under-aged drinking, the police could be involved. Even if there are no grown-ups around, the neighbors will be watching; and they will call the police the minute things get out of hand. And they will.If things don't get out of control, it would be quite a boring pool party.So good luck convincing your parents that going to the pool party is better than the prom. Unless they know everyone who will be attending; and if there will be adults in charge.It might help if you had them talk to the parents of the kid(s) throwing the pool party. Then they'd feel you were in good hands and they'd be notified if there is any trouble.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2013):
 probably not till prom is over....
Going to PROM is a rite of passage and it is (or was) a huge deal for many of us many years ago... and for some it still is.
and if you ask folks who did not go to their proms, many of them have regrets.... its one of the first times you dress up like an adult and behave like one... dinner out, fancy car if you can afford it, a lovely dress.... hair, nails makeup... I bet that's how your parents see it and worry that you will have regrets later on.
Prom should be within four weeks... just tough it out.
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