A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 years old, female, and was recently told by my parents I'm emotionally immature and have been noticably since the age of 8. This was a bit of a shock to me; I didn't realise I was significantly abnormal, and it upset me a lot. My parents want me to go for counselling, but before I consider that I was hoping someone could tell me a bit more about emotional immaturity and what I can do about it myself. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Teenagers ARE to some extent emotionally immature; we're quite self-centred and lazy, only interested in doing stuff for ourselves, rather than doing chores to please our parents like they want us to do. Without them to nag us, we'd not do anything - I forgot to vacuum my room in student halls for six months.
But if you can tell people how you feel and why, you are not "significantly emotionally immature" or "abnormal". It may be that when arguing with your parents, you aren't articulate enough to explain yourself because you have become so emotional and upset. That's normal. It may be there's a communication breakdown between you and your parents where they want to say things and you don't want to hear it (my sister, for example, has just started dating a new boyfriend who she's only spoken to once since he asked her to be his girlfriend, and won't listen to our parents' concerns because she doesn't feel it's any of their business.)
Your parents are out of line. You cannot make a snap judgment that someone is abnormal and has been since the age of eight; prepubescence and adolescence are the periods when psychologically we develop our sense of morality and more complex outlooks on the world. Point your parents to Piaget in developmental psychology. You're a teenager. Your thinking is still quite black and white, things are "right" or "wrong" and you are in the midst of making the grey areas. Children and teenagers are caterpillars, and puberty is the pupa before we emerge in our adult state. It is a time of change and development and maturing.
There's nothing wrong with you. You're normal. Your parents are just frustrated with the demands of having a teenager, and you will grow out of it as you mature. You don't need counselling.
I hope this helps you see that the problem lies with your parents, rather than with you. They have jumped the shark and judged you without allowing you to finish becoming yourself.
A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (14 June 2008):
 We all develope at different rates, and by the way you have written ths letter, i would say that some level of emotional maturity is clear because you have been able to portray your feelings really well.
counselling is never a bad thing... i could be worth going just to see what they have to say... it could be that you are fine, it could be that you have a slight problem...
either way, you have lived with whatever it is until now, and you will continue to do so, so i wouldnt let it get you down.
i hope it goes ok.... email me to let me know how everything goes.
xx
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Sorry to hear of your tough times.
I cannot help but feel that you had an argument and you were told this then? Perhaps you could ask your parents the specifics, of where they are coming from.
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