A
female
age
26-29,
*jroller14
writes:My parents hate my boy friend.my boy friend and i have been dating for a little over two months. I love him with all my heart but my parents don't like him at all.He is 17 I am 14, he has lip pierced, ear gaged, hair dyed black, etc. I love everything about him but my parents think it is disgusting.They've never even met him and already hate him. I've met his parents and they are just fine with him and me dating, what is one way I could get my parents to like my boyfriend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 333 +, writes (12 March 2011):
I don't think hate is a proper term. More like dislike. Anyway, I'm 17 and went through something similar almost a year ago. My parents weren't too fond of my back then boyfriend. Honestly, there's nothing you can do about it but wait give them sometime. I can tell you this- my parents didn't like him they felt weird around him. He was the first guy (first real bf) I introduced as my bf. They were a little shock.they soon realized that their 'little girl' was growing up. I'm attracted to guys like your bf and most parents aren't too fond of that style so that could be part of the reason. My parents are used to guy like that by now and i'm sure your parents will too if they get to know him
A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Sorry to tell you this, but your folks will never accept him. At least not for the next 5 or 6 years!
I think you need to understand a few things about parents.
This by the way, will also happen to you when you become a parent.
No loving, mentally healthy parent, ever wants their
"Little Girl" to grow up, so to speak. Sure, in theory, we all "know" it's going to happen. We're all just fine with it, until we start to SEE it happen. THEN WE FREAK OUT!
Now let's take a look at "Dad" for a moment shall we?
Generally speaking, your probably "Daddy's Little Princess"
You love puppies, horses, stuffed animals, and look really pretty in a party dress. You used to hold his hand when the two of you walked anywhere.
He is so proud of you he could almost burst!
He secretly wishes you could stay that way for ever.
(I'm a Dad, I know these things to be true)
Now here you come, dragging this piece of
"human road kill" behind you.
This tall, skinny, testosterone soaked freak, who looks like he was raised in some dark forest cave in Borneo.
To Dad, this guy might as well be sprouting horns(if he's not already).
Judging from what you say of his appearance, It would look to almost any rational adult, that this guy has no respect for himself, much less, you.
All Dad can envision right now is this little hormone reeking freak, drooling, pawing, and crawling all over his little princesses innocent young body. Taking advantage of her from every angle!
As a Dad, I'm almost getting angry just writing this,
even though my daughter turns 30 this year.
Hell, even I want to kick this guy's ass!
Now let's look at Mom.
She probably tried to raise you with a strong sense of self respect and a set of standers that should serve you well throughout your life.
But what does she see today? She sees her beautiful young innocent, inexperienced daughter throw away all she has learned, for some "creep". From your description of him, it sounds like the best he'll ever do, is maybe get a job at a car wash some day, if he's lucky!
Now I know, because I was once your age too, you and your peer group thinks this guy's pretty cool.
He doesn't bow to convention. He's older than you, more experienced and independent, no body's going to tell him what to do!
I guess from your perspective, everything looks GREAT!
Now this is what most loving parents will see.
You've quite school, your 7 months pregnant, sitting alone in some dingy little bachelor apartment. You sit there all alone, watching basic cable, your overweight and eating potato chips, waiting for your "hero" to come home with his pitiful little pay cheque.
Now I know I've laid out a horrible scenario, and you know in your heart of hearts, this will never happen to you.
But I'm here to tell you that this happens far more than you might think, and it could happen to you!
Your parents know this too, and that's why they don't even want to give him a chance.
Some day, you may become a parent also, and when your 14 year old daughter brings home something the cat just dragged in, I guarantee, you'll "FREAK" too.
I wish you all the best, just raise your standards a little, OK?
Uncle Bob.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Your parents don't hate your boyfriend, so let's deal with that first.You are only fourteen, and you are (and always will be) their little girl. They love you and want only what is best for you. Would you agree?I don't think a fourteen year old should be going out with a seventeen year old - it's way too big an age difference, but that's just me ... your boyfriend's parents don't seem to be worried ... do they know your real age? Just because your boyfriend's parents are happy to go along with this doesn't mean your parents have to also. So, cut your parents some slack, SJRoller14, they brought you into this world, they have loved you and provided for you your entire life, and they will be there for you long after this boyfriend, or any other boyfriend. You've known this boy how long?I have to say, your description of your boyfriend's appearance paints a very dramatic picture - jet black hair and piercings ... hmmmm. Can you understand that such an extreme appearance will be confusing and worrying for some adults? Of course, it is entirely wrong to judge a person based only on their appearance, but we're all just ordinary human beings, and like it or not, a person's appearance is the first sense we get of who they are, or who we think they are. We can't get to know them until we talk with them.If you were walking down the street and a complete stranger stopped in front of you, would you like them or hate them? You can't answer that question, can you, because you don't know them.So, you must give your parents the chance to get to know your boyfriend. They must meet him. They must talk with him. Why not take him to your house to meet them? Otherwise it's just not fair on your parents or your boyfriend. What do you think?Good luck, SJRoller14!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): They hate him because no respectable 17 year old dates a 14 year old. I'm sorry it's just a fact. You guys don't have anything real in common and if you do then that's just sad on his part. You probably wont like me saying all this, but I know how you feel. I have been down that road many times before. As for the piercings, they aren't the most honorable thing for a parent to see on their daughters boyfriend. But, thats just how younger people are now a days and thats how older people react to it. You also don't love him. You think you do, but you don't. Not after 2 months.All in all, if you really want to be with this guy then you need to tell your parents it's not helping if they don't at least meet him. I think if your parents don't approve than you probably shouldn't date him.
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