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female
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anonymous
writes: hi there. anybody can give me any advice,i have 2 children living in my parents and my parents using my kids to hold my neck and follow what they wanna say, i did try to get my kids before but their scare me that i wont see them if i took my kids away from them.it is so hard for me the situation that i can not fight against my parents which is killing me softly by using emotional abuse,my kids heart is already turn on my parents they already believe what my parents saying and i really dont know how to deal with it. i am far away from them but never lost my responsabilities to them.but my kids never contact to me when they dont need anything from me, but when they need soething from me thats the time they call me and ask for money and after i give what they need then they dont talk to me again. im having a hard time to deal with this and its really affecting my emotion.pls. help me i really do need an advice. thnx a lot.rachel
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Rachel, I have no idea why your parents have your children in their custody and are raising them. To be honest, dear, most grandparent's are not raising their own grandchildren because they want to..they do it because they have to. Your children have had their grandparent's financial and family support for awhile now, because obviously, your children needed someone to do the job. It sounds like you want more attention, love and devotion from your kids, dear. But..think of the feelings of your children and put your own sorrow and emotional pain aside for a minute. The fact that you want further contact from your kids can be overwhelming to them. Your children likely went through some grief and hurt and your parents stepped in when your kids needed someone..anyone.. to help. When children are taken from a parent and raised by another, there are always reasons, and those reasons are often accompanied with trauma, sorrow, and grief. If you want back in their lives, your children are going to experience confused feelings that will need to be addressed. It so critical that if you want to be in their life, you don't just hop in and out.. You are going to have display pereverence, strength, maturity and integrity as a parent as well as a ton of committment. But first, you have to prove to your parents that you are willing and able to do this job and you will put your children's feelings above your own. I think it's time for everyone to forgive and talk through tears about what has happened. Talk to your parents and try to arrive at some form of a compromise so you can be involved in your children's lives. Try not expect overnight solutions..this will take some time. Good luck and take care, dear.
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