A
female
age
30-35,
*adeghost
writes:So I'm 16 and I'm in love. Yeah yeah, I know it's corny, and I'm sure you've seen hundreds of questions before from lovestruck teenagers, but this is for real. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and it's been amazing. I love him with everything I have but my parents can't stand him(they caught us talking about them on facebook once, and they saw us making out in the driveway, so they are convinced that all he wants is sex when we've never done more than make out.). He is 18 and goes to college about 45 minutes away, so he only comes home on weekends. My mom always thinks it's so weird that he comes home just to see me, when it's because he truly loves and cares for me. They think that he is so disrespectful and don't even want me around him. Finally, after I came home tonight after trick-or-treating with him(they didn't know he was there), they forbid me from seeing him pretty much ever again. What should I do?? I love him and want to still be with him: he has never given me a reason to break up with him. I don't want to go behind my parent's back; that's just wrong. But at the same time, I'm going to be awfully unhappy for the next 2 years until I turn 18. I just want our relationship to have a chance, which my parents never gave us. Should I break his heart and break up for now? That seems to be the best option but idk...I'm grateful to any comments or advice!
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female
reader, sasha10987 +, writes (16 January 2011):
Well I think parents can be a bit over protective because they only want tge best for their child.why not just sit down with them and have a open conversation.ask them questions such as why not just give him a chance or tell them that they raised you to be a good choice of character.my parent also don't like my boyfriend and made me breakup with him(when I was 17).I wouldn't breakup with him I would just postpone the relationship til your parent approve your relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): It is your life you have to do what u have to do don't get me wrong you can still listen to your parents and love them to but they can not choose who you want to be with i know they their child safe but you are grown.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I met my bf when we were both 16 and our parents found it strange and didn't think we'd last but we're both 21 now so you can find true love at a young age.
I would ask for a proper chat with them and agree a time a all be present. Show them that you can act as an adult as parents often forget their child is growing up and insist on treating them as if they are still 13!
If they see you in a different light they may start to try and see things from your point of view.
If you can politely and calmly tell them that you respect them for wanting to protect you from being hurt and know that they only have your best interests at heart, but they should know themselves that the way they raised you has made you the person you are today and that they should be able to trust your judgements now you are older.
Ask them to give him a chance and have dinner with you and him, then perhaps ask your dad if he can help your bf with something-like a time for them to bond. Anything they have in common like an interest in racing/football etc..., as Dads are often the hardest to win around, will give him a chance to get to know him.
But I wouldn't break up with him. Not if I really felt like this was serious.
Best of Luck X
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I respectfully disagree with Flynn24- this is the 21st century , yet the Op is still a minor under her parents' custody and most of all still living under their roof and letting them pay for her food ,bills,clothing and education ( at least I suppose ). Too easy doing the heck you want .. at somebody's else house. The Op will be old enough to date whomever she likes when she will also be old enough to get herself her own place to live and her own money to support herself.
Said that, some parents are unreasonably possessive and protective, or even just plain racists ( or classists ) as the Arab poster knows. And some parents are not unreasonable.
The matter here is to find out exactly what they find objectionable in your boyfriend 's behaviour, and see if that stems from blind,irrational prejudice or from questionable ( from their point of view ) behaviour. Questionable behaviour can be discussed, explained, justified, or simply corrected. Like : We won't let you got out with X until he does Y , but if he stops doing it it's fine.
You have been a bit vague , you did not tell us what they
find " so disrespectful ". You need to pinpoint specific episodes to correct the problem. For instance, you say you
got caught talking about them, - I take it to mean talking bad about them behind their back. Not cool. But , if it was some light joke or affectionate teasing, well, ok. If it was derogatory ,offensive, insulting words- your BF would need to do some major,major groveling. How would YOU
like to be badmouthed all over FB by someone whom basically you barely know ???
This is just an example and maybe does not apply to your case. Just to say that before asking your parents to put themselves in your shoes, you've got to put yourself in theirs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Hey!
Yes, YouWish said some good things about heading out to dinner and just having a convo about their point of view. Parents provide reason without emotion and see things us young people do not so its important to at least consider their advice. In my case, my ex gf's parents didnt like me cause I was arab yet I was persistent with who I was and it turned around as her parents eventually saw who I was and that I meant their daughter no harm whatsoever. She spoke to her parents about this and concluded their reasoning was nonsense and fairly racist. Use your good judgment and your heart cant steer u wrong. Just remember if you disagree with your parents on thier view of him, do so respectfully as best you can. As one conflict isnt worth putting your relationship with your parents potentially in jeopardy. Hear them out, make your decision, and respectfully accept or decline their views. Tough position here and you have my full support doll. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 November 2010):
 You might not want to hear this, but parents have been around the block more than you have when it comes to love and relationships, so before you jump to a conclusion that they're being unfair and unreasonable, you should sit down with your parents (maybe ask them if you can go out to dinner with them) and talk to them about what their issues are with your boyfriend. Ask them specificly what behaviors in him turned them off to him, and most of all, be prepared to listen to them.
Instead of arguing with him simply or calling them wrong/unfair/mean/etc., every objection they bring up about him, give them thought out reasons why they should change their opinion about him. AND - if they bring up something that may stick home (maybe something he says or does that sets their teeth on edge, or in the way he touches you), keep an open mind.
Usually, unless there is a valid reason as to why they don't like him, a lot of times, he could be reminding one or both of your parents about someone in their past that acted like your BF and turned out to be a jerk, like maybe someone your dad knew as a buddy who used women or an old ex-BF of your mom's who cheated on her.
Above all, you can turn this into a yellfest, and you absolutely can't see the guy behind your parents' back. Boyfriends will come and go, but your parents are forever, especially at your age. You have to believe that whatever their reasons, it's because they love you and want to protect you and your future.
You have to understand, there's nothing like an obsession with a guy that can completely derail you from your future and mess you up. Does this guy encourage you to be everything you can be? Does he have aspirations and goals of his own? Is he faithful to you during the week that he's gone, or do you fret constantly when he's not around to the exclusion of all of your other activities?
Boyfriend or no boyfriend, you're in a crucial time in your life. Nothing is more important than the foundation you lay for yourself and your future, because you have one shot, and one shot only. Wasting it on romantic drama and alienating your parents is a HUGE toxicity that can have permanent implications.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I think you need to act like an adult here and sit your parents down and ask them what your or your boyfriend has done that has caused them to act in such a negative fashion.
Tell them that unless they can come up with an explanation that doesn't come down to them being douchebags... then you will continue to see your partner because this is the 21st century and you are old enough to date.
Flynn 24
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