A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I just need a little advice or whatever that can help me with this. I grow up in a disfunctional family. Im used to get beat from my parents physically and emotionally. Believe me its really hurt. It planted in my heart and in my soul. My eyes open up with the belt of my father beating my body and all the bad words you can hear in hell i hear it as my breakfast, lunch, dinner from my mother if got lucky i will have it too in the night before in bed. Nothng" its not that i am a bad daughter, its just that they are maybe not content in their life and WE children is the big reason why they are bound to this what they called family. Actually its not only me, they do it to all their children.But my emotion can not move on in this. The last time she beat me is when i am 32 years old infront of my two children. Dont ask why, its gonna be a long story. My problem is this. I am a married woman and i think having trouble with marriage is normal for sometimes. But when me and husband is fighting, its like the feelings that i dont like to stop easily our fight until he beat me physically. He never beat me. My husband is a good man. But sometimes i make him more and more angry by being loud to him too. Its like, why i have this feelings that i want him to beat me when we are fighting. I want the anger get out inside of us. Of course i dont want that happen, but seems i will feel more content if he beat me. He dont wanna do that but feels like im forcing him. I love my husband and i know he love me too. He will never beat me. My problem is IN me. Why im longing for that physically beaten? Is this some kind of trauma or what? What can i do to change this. I know this is mentaly problem now and im scared. I love my marriage, my children but what my parents planted in my soul is not easy to forget specially inspite of all the things they have done to me and to my siblings. I still do love my parents. But they really hurt me and its so hard to get out to this emotional abuse.. Please help. Thank you a lot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): You need to get into professional therapy. It is not normal or healthy to want to have violence in the household, let alone inflicted on you. It's understandable given your upbringing, but that does not make it normal. You have to retrain your mind to think differently, and it's very hard to do on your own without professional guidance.Often, child victims of abuse grow up to continue the abuse cycle, either as abusers or as continued victims seeking out abuse from new people (usually their intimate partners). There's books written on this subject. A lot of times, if you've been abused as a child you may grow up to continue seeking abuse not because you like it but because you know deep down inside that the abuse was wrong and bad and really hurt you, but in your warped thinking (which is not your fault but is the result of your unnatural environment), you feel that if you can replay the abuse but with a new person such as your husband, this time you can 'rewrite' it on your own terms and thereby eliminate your childhood abuse scars. But it will not heal, it will just continue making yourself dysfunctional, and you may then make your husband and children dysfunctional too. Therefore you should get into therapy to work on your issues before you really hurt your marriage.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Telling your husband to hit you is about regaining control you lost as a child, saying to yourself you can handle it because it is your own choice. It may feel good for a while, release stress, but at the end it does not teach you how to be more loving and how to resolve problems. When you feel you want to be hit, ask your husband to hug you instead. Agree to talk later when you both calm down. It is good that you don't want to continue this tradition onto your own children. Look at your children and see that inner child in you. They want to be loved and they want a harmonious family. It can start with you. Even when you parents were not your model you can be a model to your children.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 This is a hard situation and the only solution I would say is a counselor to counsel you and your family, and with the support of your other members of your family , not the ones that beat you, I believe you can realize that you dont need to be in that kind of environment and you deserve so much better than that. There is no excuse for physical abuse or emotional abuse. See someone and talk about your feelings and maybe with therapy it will help you. I know you love your parents but maybe you should cut off contact with them and if they harm you again, press charges. Abuse no matter how large or small you should not have to tolerate that. Good Luck!!
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