A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm so glad I found this site. Thank you for your help!I am in love with a man who is divorced with three wonderful children. Also, I'm much younger than he is. I've known him for 6 years, we have been best friends for the past 3 years, and we have been romantically involved for the past year. The romantic part was kept secret because I knew my parents would be so against it.Recently, the relationship came to light. My parents found out. They threatened that if I talk to this man again, they will not let me be around my younger siblings (ages 18, 15 and 10), will not support me financially in college, and will do everything possible to take my love's kids away from him and lose custody. My dad is a lawyer, so his threats do hold some value.I haven't spoken with my best friend and love of my life for 18 days. I don't know what to do. I know him inside out and he knows me better than anyone ever has. I so badly want to be with him, but my parents will do all they can to ruin his life and ruin mine if I pursue him, or if he pursues me. He knows this, and so he hasn't contacted me either.Again, I don't know what to do. I'm still dependent on my parents financially and when I'm not at college, I do live at home. Do I just wait until I'm on my own to pursue a relationship with him? Do I give up forever?Thank you so much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): wow Flynn 24, I am surprised the MODS have allowed your 'vicious attack" on her parents to be printed.
i agree with the male ANon "...So, what are you not telling? " instead of just blackening your parents name and instead of spitting venom at your parents i think you should divulge more info. :
- your respective ages
- why is he "frightened" to lose custody of his kids.
- at what age you started having sex with him?
if you are going to take Flynn"s advice and tell your parents to :"......both to go to hell... Tell them they have no say or power here and that they better shut up or get fucked." - pray do tell,
- who will feed you? - your lover?
-who will clothe you?- your lover?
- who will support you financially? - your lover?
- who will pay for your studies? your lover?
what the good gentleman forgot to tell you is this:
if you stay under your parents roof, it is YOU who needs to abide by their rules.
since we are talking about the legalities and the law: as parents, they only are entitled to minimalistically feed, clothe and educate you. they are not forced to support you or send you to further your education.
i love the law: it also says if you are old enough to make adult decisions then you must be old enough to fend for yourself. the law is actually always unbiased. it is there to protect minors and there to protect parents aginst ungrateful children.
OP, i think, you need to provide us more info: can your lover take care of you, feed you, clothe you? can he/will he be charged for having sex with a minor? whats this issue with custody? why is he borderline?
to the Gentlemen (Uncles) who have responded i humbly beg to differ with your advice. It is like giving a kid a gun and saying, go run wild!!!!!!! yes the OP is an adult and unfortunately the law of the "beast"applies. If she stays under her parents roof, their rules applies. good or bad, it is their democratic right to enforce it. So until the OP can provide for herself she is bound by her parents rules. Or she can go live with her lover and he can take over her parenting.
Sorry, i know i am outnumbered by my comments, but i rather say it like it is, than hide behind fluff!!!!!!!!
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Legally speaking, their threats are empty. Unless they have irrefutable proof that you were under the age of consent for your state at the time you began a relationship, or at least had sexual relations, then there is nothing they can do to stop either of you.
I would tell them both to go to hell and if they want to be stubborn and lose you, rather than respect YOUR wishes... then that is what will happen.
Also, tell them if they try to seperate him from his children, you WILL pursue legal action against them. Tell them they have no say or power here and that they better shut up or get fucked.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): You don't say your age, or his.
However, if you have known the guy for 6 years, your relationship started when you were very young.
Your parents probably know something you either don't know, or are not telling here...because they are thinking of taking his kids away from him if he doesn't drop you.
So, what are you not telling?
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Be patient. Wait until you have finished college, wait until you are financially independant and then pursue this relationship. If you love him deeply it will not be easy but it will be worth it.
Keep hope though, if you can somehow save up whatever you get and if you are able to support yourself before you finish college, you need not rely on them anymore and you can continue to pursue a relationship with this man.
Personally, I would limit my future with these sort of parents. They have no right, morally at least, to force this kind of situation upon you.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): without sounding too negative, i am assuming this divorced man is way older than you.
can you see yourself as step mom to his 3 kids, u are barely a kid yourself, not able to support yourself financially and well, basically still dependant on mummy and daddy for yor livelihood.
try to look at this realitsically from your parents point of view. only much later in life will you truly appreciate your parents intentions. now it looks like they are dictating to you, but when you grow up, you will realise that all they have been doing is trying to protect you. just their method of doing so, is out of fear and panic .
your choice ultimately. i can see why your parents are sh1t scared for you.
LoveGirl
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