A
female
age
30-35,
*elseyMac
writes:When I was 18 I got pregnant by my bf who was also 18. We had been dating for just over a year when it happened . I found out I was pregnant on our high school graduation day. With the help of both of our parents we were both able to go to university. My parents have always been very hard on by bf. Regardless of how hard he tries it's never enough. From the day he found out I was pregnant he had a jobs even before the baby was born he was giving half of his pay cheque for baby items. He worked part time while in school and now had a full time job. My son and I lived with my parents after he was born, my parents helped a lot but I was the one getting up with him and taking him to daycare. My parents have babysat and have let us loved there rent free and I appreciate it more then I can ever explain. With out heir help I would not have been able to go to school but I feel like they have to much to say. Shortly after my son was born my bf cheated on me and we broke up. Even after the break up he still gave money and still visited regulary. While we were broke up he hooked up with a few girls and enjoyed his freedom partying. We recently got back together and my parents have treated him even worse since then. We get along great and even though he cheated that was a while ago and I have chosen to forgive him and get past it. He was young and made a mistake, we both have grown up a lot since then. And even while we were broke up he was reception towards me and still put me and our son before himself. My bf has been looking at houses and hey can't even be happy about that. There constant negativity and rudeness is causing issue for us. He hates to come over because he doesn't want to listen to them telling him he shouldn't do this or should do that. Last night my father completely over steppd my bf who was disciplining our son. It ended with them having a huge arguement and then of course my parents blaming my bf for it and bring up his past and the fact that he cheated ! His cheating had nothing to do with my dad over stepping him as a parent. How can I explain to them that us being back together is a good thing and that they should be happy for us and that he need to give him credit for being the guy he is. He could have easily walked away and neve helped out bjt he didn't.
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broke up, cheated on me, money, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 There was a similar story on here recently but the girl slept with her ex and is now pregnant for a second time and scared to tell her parents, therefore yes please do be careful about birth control.
Also remember even though you are an adult it is your parents house and there rules. No matter how old you are you need to respect that, and so does your boyfriend. Be grateful they are even letting him step foot inside the door, many wouldn't after the way he treated you and left them to pick up the pieces.
Look at your son and try and imagine when he is old enough a girl cheating on him, would you find it so easy to watch him with a broken heart? Never mind with a baby. If you want the drama to end then move out off home and stand on your own feet and live your own life.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 Please stick to that, OP; we had another OP just a littleness younger than you, in the same situation, but she's pregnant again, not having learnt from the first time.
Be very careful and your boyfriend needs to earn trust.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 Maybe talk to your dad one-day one-on-one. Tell him how much you appreciate all they have done, but that you really would like to not have the little one exposed to yelling matches. That you understand why they feel apprehensive towards the little one's dad, but that it 's NOT helping the grandchild.
If your dad is not "normally" a "yelling kind of man", maybe that will make him think a bit more before starting a yelling match.
I would also mention to you dad that you DO remember what your ex/no-so-ex did. That YOU have moved past it, but that you ARE aware. That you aren't JUST getting back with him because of the little one (at least I hope that is not the only reason). Everyone makes mistakes, and if YOU can forgive this one maybe your mom and dad can too.
Hopefully, your not-so-ex can show your parents that he HAS grown up and matured. Just go slow.
If someone hurt one of my kids, I would be wary of them too. It's only natural.
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A
female
reader, KelseyMac +, writes (8 November 2016):
KelseyMac is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you , I really do appericate everything my parents do for me and my son. They have went above and beyond for us and I know that they will always be here for me. I don't want to sound like im ungrateful for everything. With out them I honestly don't know what I would have done.
I just want everyone to get along and st the end of the day they need to set their differences aside and my make a scene in front of my son. Especially if it's going to end with yelling and blaming my child's father. He is only a child and doesn't need to be drug into stuff he has no control of.
I am being very careful when it comes to sex. I'm on birth control and we are using condoms. In no way Am I ready for another child
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2016):
This guy can be a good dad, but that doesn't mean he is a good partner or BF.
At least in your parent's eyes.
They KNOW how hard it's been for you (even with his little financial help here and there), they know how hard it's been on them as well. While you do a lot of the work with you child (and that is good) I'm sure they have done MORE than he has. Simply because they have the means and the time.
They also KNOW how it hurt you when he cheated on you and you two broke up. THEY were there.
While it IS easier for them to just not like him and to blame him for everything it might seem a little unfair, but they are your parents and do this out of love.
As for disciplining your son, YOU and your ex should have a talk about what you both find reasonable and when you have agreed on that, TALK to your parents.
I totally get where you dad were coming from when he overstepped the ex-bf disciplining the little one. However, it WASN'T about the cheating. It was probably more out of frustration.
Your parents don;t OWE your ex-bf any credit. He hasn't done anything spectacular. Yes, he could have walked away and he didn't - good, but that doesn't make him a stellar BF potential. No need to hang a halo over his head and pat him on the back.
Make DARN sure you use birth control with your not-so-ex anymore. SHOW your parents that YOU can be responsible. As for him, well your parents can't really dictate whom you date. But if it gets too much for you, there IS the option of moving out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): "How can I explain to them that us being back together is a good thing and that they should be happy for us"
You can't. He's the guy who impregnated their teenage daughter and then cheated on her, so I can't blame them for being sad and disappointed he's back in your life.
Your father shouldn't overstep your boyfriend's parenting, but given that he is the grandfather and you are living in HIS house so he can offer a compelling rebuttal: If you don't like it, MOVE!
Your parents may eventually come around once you and your boyfriend demonstrate that you are capable of providing your son with a stable home AND supporting yourselves without their help.
The two of you can only convince them with actions, not words.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 November 2016):
He shouldn't get credit for staying; it's his son. You also shouldn't get credit for being the one to get up and take him to daycare.Your parents have been second parents and you only want them to take responsibility when it suits you, like babysitting or paying bills.Do not move in with your boyfriend for a year or so because you need to know you'll work out this time. That's why your parents aren't happy about it. You've got rose-tinted glasses on and aren't giving his mistakes enough thought. Yes, you can forgive him, but you can't expect your parents to yet.He stepped up for his child, *but* he cheated on the mother of his child soon after the baby was born - good men don't do that. Maybe he's changed, but your parents won't back off until you show them you're not blindly forgiving this guy. It will take time.As for your dad overstepping, what was the situation? Maybe he wasn't overstepping and it just felt like he was because you feel they have a vendetta against your boyfriend? Maybe he was because he thinks your boyfriend was too harsh? Maybe he doesn't think your boyfriend is parenting well, as he's mainly only sent money so far, by the sounds of it.Give it time, OP. While you may not be being irrational, your parents will see things differently and may catch things you don't because they aren't in a relationship with him.
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