A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it common for stepfathers to fall in love with their stepdaughters. Should i tell her she is a grown woman, and im not with her mother anymore.Iam going absolutely insane. I love her so much.what do i do? Am i a pervert for even thinking that. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): You know how Woody Allen is ridiculed to this day for marrying his stepdaughter? It'll be a tough life and presuming that you're not as rich as Allen and have a gigantic estate all to yourself where you can live alone in bliss, then you'll have to interact socially with other people and be an object of their gossip and derision. Finally if you are both adults then there's nothing illegal I suppose. Think it through.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 No you don't love her, you are not some teenager allowing his hormones to over rule, you are a grown adult and you should know that no good can come off this. You where her step father, her mothers husband!! You tell her how you feel and you will have an upset ex and a disgusted step daughter. Move on with your life and stay away from her.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 November 2016):
Simple....Let's say you married a woman and had a daughter the same age as her. However, you and your wife got a divorce. She got together with another guy, but things didn't workout.
Then you find out that the same guy who was your daughter's stepfather, is now sleeping with your daughter.
How would you feel about that?
Do not let your hormones lead you to a place where you will need a ladder just to touch bottom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2016): I think you need to get out and date OTHER women!You sound lonely and like you might have too much time on your hands and there is not too much going on in your life to keep you busy.You need to focus on building a fulfilling life of your own and stop obsessing about this unreachable and misguided fantasy.Have hobbies? Things you like to do? Have friends? Get out there. Join groups. A gym. Go out with friends. Take a course. Travel. Paint a picture. Go dancing. Hiking. Read. Play sports. Whatever is necessary to change your focus. Keep doing that and you will find you are too busy and too happy to think about something that will never be. Chances are if you pursue your passions, you will meet a woman who shares your passions and interests. Is on equal footing as you are. Who is more mature and able to give you all you need not just physically but intellectually. A kid cannot give you intellectual stimulation and the fascination with youth will soon fade when there is nothing to talk about, no shared interests or life experiences. Nothing to challenge you, keep you interested. Yeah, guys fantasize and about younger women. Sure, I get it. But what you are doing is unhealthy and uncool. There is no way she would reciprocate. And of all people, your step daughter? I think you might consider a little therapy and the need to work on yourself and your own issues. You need to make yourself solid and stable. She is not going to get rid of your demons, or loneliness or insecurity about yourself. You need to think logically and rationally and get your head out of the clouds. You are a responsible adult not a hormonal teenaged boy.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 Oh crikey I think it depends. I wouldn't say its wrong but it would be a very cringey and uncomfortable right. Did you raise her as part of a long term relationship and how involved were you in that fatherly role because I think that would play a huge part in things? Other things to consider is the potential damage between the relationship with the mother and siblings if there are any. Sorry but the more I sit here and try rationalise what you are asking I feel 'no' is the right answer. Sorry
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2016): Regardless of how long you were married to her mother I think it's extremely unlikely that your step-daughter will reciprocate your feelings because you had sex with her mother and you must be old enough to be her father.
I'd add that in my country (the UK) it's illegal to marry a former step-child if they ever lived with you under the age of 18.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2016):
 I don't think it's "normal" to fall in love with a step-child - at least not in the romantic kind of way.
I have 2 step-sons and I love them both, but NOT in a romantic fashion, that would be super creepy as I have known them since they were 6 and 2.
Should you tell her? No, I don't think so. I think you should look for a woman you don't have that kind of relationship with.
Yes, I get it, you aren't related by blood, but you DID help raise her.
Does it make you a pervert? It makes me cringe reading it, but no I would think you a pervert for being attracted to a woman. If you didn't spend a lot of years with the mom & daughter and she wasn't a little girl when you met I find it less creepy.
However, it's not appropriate for a man to chase after his "former" step-daughter. IMHO. I think it's a huge no-no.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 No-one can say who love whom or why. However I think you had best keep this as a fantasy. Don't go there. There is nothing but trouble in store if you do.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 November 2016):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-19-year-old-girl-and-im.html
Is this you? It's very unusual that we'd get a post about a girl "in love" with her stepmum and a man "in love" with his stepdaughter in the same week, let alone 24 hours. Both asking if they should tell them.
No, you shouldn't. It'll drive a wedge between mother and daughter. She's also not your stepdaughter any more, if you're not with her mother.
Women closer to your own age and/or unrelated to your exes would be better.
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