A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey aunts and uncles this is my previous post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-family-is-mean-behind-my-back-but.html#provide_answerUpdate we finally have enough money to move out and will be moving to where my husband grew up which is across the country from us now. All his family is there and it's cheaper in the south. My parents found out we are moving (it's hard to keep packing a secret) I know logically we need to go but I'm feeling really bad about hurting my parents. There both crying alot, my mom said she hopes she dies before we move out. My dad is trying to bribe us saying he can get my husband a better job. And barely speaking to us except when to beg. My heart isn't made of ice I still love them how do I stay strong? I feel bad making them so upset since there really old i don't want them to die with them feeling awful towards me. What should I do when they act that way? They didn't act like this when my siblings in there 40s moved away. They say it's because I was supposed to be theirs forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2021): I meant to say:
"When all else fails, turn on tears...plead...last resort, impose guilt-trips."
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2021): Wow you guys really know how to sort your parents out. I’m 32 and still get a phone call if I step inside at midnight and leave the house again. If I’m out the house too long I get a call. They are desperate for me to move out but sometimes I feel if I could do it alone I would of done it by now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2021): When all else fails, turn on tears...plead...last result, impose guilt-trips. These are all the maneuvers parents can use to maintain control and intrusion into your adult-life. There's plenty of drama and theatrics to go-around. You don't need to fall for any of it!
Since when does moving away mean you love people any less? What if you we deployed in the military, if your job had to send you away on an extended-assignment (at big pay), or if you decided to attend a graduate school abroad on a special fellowship? Would you give it all up, because they might cry? Come on now, be serious!
If they didn't die when your siblings moved, the odds are highly in favor of them surviving your move. You don't need to write an advice site to deal with being an adult; and doing what is best for your marriage and your own kids!
I assure you, your guilt will go away; and your parents will survive until your next visit. We're in the 21st-century. We have Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapshot, Skype, TikTok; and Smartphones with the most unbelievable camera and video features! Add modes of travel like planes, trains, buses, ships, and automobiles!
They don't have to accept your move.
Be a grown-up and do what you've got to do! It's not our decision, or their decision! It's yours and your husband's decision!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2021):
 Tell them it will be BEST for every one that you move out. That you won't love them any less, no matter where you live.
Tell them it's time to be on your own with you husband.
And no, you might be the "baby" of the family but that doesn't mean you HAVE to live with them and suffer for the rest of YOUR life.
I would just tell them:" I know, but it's time." Or a "perhaps you both could be a little excited for me to see new places". Or a "good thing you two have each other, think of all the things you two can now do!".
Don't fall for the emotional manipulation.
YOU know it's time.
As soon as you move they will go back to how they were before. But at least you will have some distance.
Chin up. Enjoy the move.
Your parents will get over it.
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