A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,My boyfriend of 5 years just proposed to me last week. I said yes, as it seemed perfectly natural and right. No problems there. The problem is that we are both young, and currently students (postgraduate) so our parents have agreed to split the cost for the wedding. We are going for a teeny ceremony, I'm going to wear an old dress (very nice one), we're not going for a honeymoon etc. What is important is the marriage itself.His parents are really helpful, happy for us and full of warmth, accepting anything we want to do. MY parents on the other hand have suddenly turned into the monsters of guilt. They undermine me at all turns (have you filled in this form yet? have you spoken to x? no? not yet?). They call me at all hours of the day to ask. I've stopped answering the phone most of the time. During a conferance call to my fiance's dad, they kept shooting down our wishes - no, you shouldn't drive to x town because the road is very dangerous, you shouldn't have your wedding on the beach because the registrar will rip you off. how about you don't hire a photographer (?!) no, you can't get married on that day because I have to hand in something for work the day before. Everything is too expensive, too fantastical for them, even though we are trying our hardest to work within our means. It feels like they don't think we are getting married but are throwing a party at their expense for no reason.How can I negotiate with my mum and dad without hurting their feelings? I feel totally overwhelmed and sad. My fiance is really strong and makes me realise how well we go together.I really appreciate any insight you have, Thanks,Bee x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Rajesh Nair  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 Hi Bee x, I have a genuine feeling that your parents are just tense about getting everything right for your wedding. You need to calm them down and talk to them regarding this. Ask them to have a small chat with you. Let them know that there is some issue, which has been disturbing you lately, and which you feel can only be sorted out by their help and understanding. Without expressing dissent or anything negative, tell them, that you have been observing such changes in their behavior. Calmly explain them the consequences of continuing in such a manner, and also why you needed to have this discussion in the first place. See how they respond.Let me know how it works out. All the best and cheer up. You are about to get married to someone you love!!! :)
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