A
female
age
36-40,
*irlyxox
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Sadly I have a problem which I've had for a few years, Where I suffer with paranoia. This has affected our relationship greatly, and has pushed us apart. We've now been on break (his idea) for now 3 weeks. During this time I have tried my best to make me a better person. I went to the hospital to make further apppintments with counsellors to see if they can help, as well as looking into psychiatrists. As I believe my issue is more of a mental one. As well as this, I thought it be a good idea to write my boyfriend a letter with an apology and keep him updated with my appointments etc. However he has been playing the silent treatment, giving me blunt short answers. I understand he is heart broken but I'm really struggling. I work as a children's entertainer, so trying to hold back my feelings and tears behind a fake smile has been so hard. I asked him that I wanted to know where I stood in this relationship and he said he cant give me an answer yet and needs more time. That was a week ago. But what is upsetting me the most is this break has no timeline, no support from his end by asking how my appointments have been, no boundries were mentioned on the day he walked out on me, and no decency to tell me he was going to his brother's wedding without me (Which was yesterday). I honestly feel that this relationship has met it's end and he may not have the courage to dump me. As it's been nearly a month, and I'm contemplating on whether to pull the plug myself or continue waiting. I love him dearly and doing my best to help myself, but I was wondering what you guys think is best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): I think this is clearly a time for you to let him go. It seems he has done this, so you should too. You really need to work on yourself and the issues. I think he is adding to your "paranoia" and this is quite nasty on his part.
He has given you the opportunity to discover yourself. Take it! If the paranoia is about him a lot then let yourself and him free of that. Can't you feel you've been given a chance at freedom from it all? See it feel it and live it! You're entertaining children is a lovely job, you make them happy even when you're feeling sad inside. Now make them laugh when you're feeling happy inside. Enough of the "paranoia" it doesn't suit anyone. It is a mask and masks are not real. Feel peace and get real. x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I get why paranoia would effect the relationship, you probably drive yourself crazy and drive him crazy at the same time. You need to work at it to get to the bottom off why you feel like this, if you don't you will never be able to have a functional relationship with anyone. As hard as this is for you I can understand why he would need a break.
I am glad you are getting help and fingers crossed someone out there can help you, but it needs to start with you and you need to be open and honest to any professional.
As for writing your boyfriend a letter as much as it was a nice gesture, I am sure he is suffering as well, and a break usually means no contact, it gives you both time to work on yourselves. I know you meant well keeping him updated with hospital appointments but you are making it about you and he probably feels suffocated, you really should give him a bit of space. He is giving you the silent treatment because he needs space. You need to give it to him. I get you are struggling but I am sure he is as well, I do think you need to try and not contact him for a couple off weeks. Work on yourself and your own issues and give him a chance to breathe.
He says he needs more time so give it to him, stop the messages, cut the contact and work on yourself. It is clear he needs time so you should give him that, having a partner who is paranoid all the time is mentally draining so you need to stop with the contact.
Sweetie you are looking for his support but he is not that person to you at the moment. He probably needs support as well. Also as for his brothers wedding, you are on a break that means not going to weddings together. I think you need to accept that for now. A break means you should both have no contact and give each other space. He cannot be the one to support you at the moment, and I do think you are asking to much from him.
It does sound like it might be the end. I think you should wait two more weeks with no contact at all. No messages, no letters nothing. If you dont hear from him then I would assume the relationship is over. If after two weeks he has not gave you any contact I think you should message him and tell him you assume the relationship is over.
Keep working on yourself and your issues and I do hope you have family and friends who you can talk to.
I have saw a lot of relationships fail because off a person being paranoid. So if you ever want to be happy you really do need to keep getting help.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (27 August 2018):
Sound to me like you knew there was a problem but waited to fix the problem after the boyfriend had had enough. Now you think if you check off some boxes he will come back.
Understand that a break is a breakup. He is gone, the relationship is over. Your focus should now be on repairing yourself not so that this guy will come back but so that you can be the healthiest you can be.
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A
female
reader, Girlyxox +, writes (26 August 2018):
Girlyxox is verified as being by the original poster of the question* Forgot to mention, I have seeked help before with 3 other counsellors but they didn't really help.*
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 August 2018):
 Sorry, but your efforts to get help all sound like too little too late.
Look at this from your (ex) boyfriend's point of view. You were together two years but it took him breaking up with you to make you seek help for your issues. Why did you not try to get help while you were together? You had TWO YEARS in which to do it. It's not like you were not aware of your problems.
If I were in his shoes, I would be thinking that it is pointless being in a relationship with someone who you have to dump to make them actually try to sort out their issues. If you did not value your relationship enough to work at it, then you cannot really blame him for backing away.
In your shoes I would concentrate on sorting out your problems and just leave your ex (I doubt he will come back to you) go get on with his life. Only when you have actually sorted out your issues should you be looking to get involved in a relationship again with someone.
Good luck. Stay strong. You CAN do this.
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