A
female
age
26-29,
*bony-smylz
writes:Im in a long distance relationship that would be three years in November. My boyfriend has been in school abroad, he’s graduated now and is back home.Sometimes things are great, sometimes they are not. So I thought that now that he’s back, and closer, things would be better. Things were great after he got back for like two weeks then they started to decline. He wasn’t calling anymore, just texting. I was the only one calling. So I complained a few times about this and everytime he would say sorry and still not call. These calls are very important to me because we’re still not in the same city right now so we dont get to see. About two weeks ago i was so upset and i told him exactly how i felt over text messages ofcourse. Told him his actions showed that he didn’t want me anymore or had a problem with me and was tired of us and that i was tired of being the only one calling. He was so calm about everything, told me he’s sorry that was how I saw it , that it wasnt so and then apologized and after that he didn’t call or message me for about 4days. When he finally messaged it was a “hey babe, good morning. Just checking up on you. Have a beautiful day”. I was so busy that day so I replied at night and told him i was fine and i had a good day and asked him how he was too. He just replied me with an “alright have fun” without replying my message asking how he was. He hasnt called or texted since then and I haven’t either because I’m mad at him and even if i wasnt, i feel like I’m forcing myself on him. I really don’t know what to think or do about this. I need some thoughts and advice.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I remember you writing in before about this issue. He is not making an effort so why should you. Have you actually met him? If this is the same OP as the last one then if I recall you haven't actually met in real life. I think you know that you are chasing him and he doesn't sound at all interested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): [EDIT]:
"Society has generally changed in these respects."
" It changes how we view or perceive things."
Post script:
For clarity. I never said he never loved you; or what you had wasn't or isn't real. I'm saying time and distance may have changed that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): This is pretty much the usual fate of long-distance relationships. Some people just can't go the distance. The adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder," doesn't always ring true. In people as young as yourself; you usually move on.
Going on and on without dating, no one to touch. I'm sorry, generally that just doesn't work for us men. I didn't say it was impossible; but long-distance relationships are a risk you take. They rarely succeed. It takes a really strong love-connection to maintain them.
In the technological-age, people aren't as sentimental or sensitive as they were when all you had was snail-mail and a telephone. When being kind wasn't considered being gullible or synonymous with weakness. When it was necessary to have manners and show courtesy. Society has generally changed these respects. Sarcasm and nastiness is now wit and a show of strength.
He probably got used to the distance and being without you. He was probably never really as emotionally-invested; maybe he secretly never truly wanted the LDR. He may have been dating the whole-time. I'm not saying all this to upset you; I'm just offering you some reality. Whether he wanted it or not; we don't know the outcome of a challenge, until we go through it. Sometimes we're victorious, and sometimes we fail. It had to be a mutual-effort for it to succeed.
He went along with it with the best of intentions. He is used to being independent and feeling single, in spite of your LDR. I would speculate that he lost interest in the relationship sometime ago. Consider that he might be waiting for you to finally get angry enough to call it quits. He wants you to do it; because once you reach that point, you're ready to move on. If he calls it quits, you'll drag-out the breakup. Probably demand closure, and there will be a lot of drama. So he's allowing the relationship to die a slow death. I suspect he's no longer that into you.
I frequently tell posters you can't really conduct a good relationship over too much distance, or strictly over devices. It would have to have been well-established long beforehand. You have to make frequent connections and trips to see each other, to breathe life into it. If you move a electronic appliance farther than the cord can reach; the plug disconnects, and there is no longer power to run it. An LDR runs on the same principle. If there is no extension-cord to reconnect the appliance to the source of power, it's dead. People apart too long, with no power-source (love); and no way to shorten the distance, or to reconnect. It dies.
Men most often give-up before women do. Men and women do not think alike. We do not express our emotions exactly the same. Holding-on even through time and distance. Lets say, it depends on the reasons and length of the separation.
We know that soldiers deployed to battle hold-on; because they need that anchor from the home-base; someone to wait for them. It gives him or her something to look forward to, a reason to return. It inspires and motivates them to survive the perils of battle. In other situations; you have to bridge the gap. Maintain the emotional-connection by frequent visits. Otherwise, you'll simply grow used to being apart; then you may completely move on emotionally like we do when we come to terms with the death of someone close.
Time has an effect/affect on our will, and our patience. It chances how we view or perceive things. It challenges hope, or strains faith. We move forward as our daily-lives drive us towards our goals; and as obstacles sometimes force us to change course. We adapt to unforeseen changes.
I can tell you this; trying to tongue-lash or shame someone into showing you love doesn't work. It has the opposite-effect; especially if the love is fading-anyway. It has absolutely no effect; when the love is gone, or was never truly strong enough in the first-place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): I get the feeling he's playing games. But don't panic! You have your life, you have your heart. Do not waste your precious life on someone who's obviously not that into you. When a man wants to be with (you) he will make every effort to see that you are cared for and respected. That your cares and concerns are nurtured. he's not going to want to hurt you or keep you dangling. This boy knows that you long to chat and be in contact but he's stringing you along. This is my feeling though, I'm pretty sure its yours too. So... Keep busy and enjoy that he's not contacting you because - hey - who needs a person to mess with our precious life \ thoughts? Be wise and crack on with happy love inside you, don't waste it on someone who doesn't really give a diddleysquat about your heart or your concerns. If he doesn't want true and meaningful contact... Block him. Sounds like he's f'in about. Chin up and keep light.x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2018):
 Put in as much (or little) effort as he does. IF he doesn't call, don't call. If he doesn't text or send you generic "how are you texts" do the same.
And then you give yourself a time line, let's say 30 days. IF he hasn't picked up on YOU not making much effort either and he just continue then it's pretty certain that the relationship is pretty much dead in the water.
And while you two made it work for 3 years APART doesn't mean it will work in person or when you are closer. Sometimes LDR's just run it's course.
You have expressed how you feel and what you would like to see him do, but HE doesn't do it. Either because he is too busy or... he just can't be bothered.
It might be he has a lot of things to sort out now that he is back, OR you are just not a priority.
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