A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and we love each other so much, but i'm scared i will lose him, recently we've been arguing so much and it's mainly because of me and my insecurities, i always get paranoid about him looking at my friends in a sexual way, they are all beautiful and i just don't feel as good as them. I believe he loves me so why can't a believe that he wouldn't be interested in anyone else? He gets so fed up with all the arguments, that we've been on the edge of break multiple times this past month. Also, he has recently found a new friend, before we were dating i was his only friend, i was his best friend for 3 years, this new friend hates me. So i worry that when me and my boyfriend argue that he's going to this new friend upset, and the friends going to persuade him to break up with me. I've thought of this theory because it has happened once already, he's constantly telling my boyfriend to break up with me, i'm so worried that my boyfriend is going to be persuaded and end it. I've spoken to him about this and he says he wont because he loves me, but the more we argue the less i believe that he wont be persuaded. I've tried stopping being paranoid and insecure and it has worked recently, but then i get upset about something else like the way i look. How can i stop being so paranoid and insecure about everything?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 Can you explain why your friends dislike your boyfriend?
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You may not be able to stop feeling this way and having these thoughts but you CAN control what you do about it. So number one STOP taking it out on your boyfriend, and find another way to direct it. When you feel insecure or jealous take a minute to think through your feelings, and then try to direct them elsewhere. It can be anything, just go outside and scream if that does it for you, or grind your teeth and clench your fists... whatever. But stop taking it out on him. Because you are right, you will end up driving him away.It's good that you realise this, there are a lot of posts from young women who complain that their boyfriend gets a lot of attention from other girls and it makes them jealous and they argue with him about it, not realising that what they are doing will bring about the very thing they are afraid of. So stop it. Find a way to stop it.Also, I really doubt your boyfriend's new friend gives two shits who he goes out with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have only really been insecure since having relationships, because his bestfriend has told me personally and had a go at me for multiple things related to my boyfriend. Because he hasn't really had a friend other than me before, and this new friend really looks out for him, and also all my group of friends strongly dislike my boyfriend.
I am physically healthy and active yes,i am about 5ft 7 and size 8 (uk size), and exercise regularly, eat healthily.
Thank you so much for replying!xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
Oh, and do you smoke pot or indulge in other drugs?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
Have you always been insecure, or is this a new development?
How do you know your boyfriend's new best friend dislikes you?
Why is he friends with a guy who dislikes his girlfriend?
Are you physically healthy and active? Do you eat healthy food? Do you drink sugary or artificially sweetened beverages? Do you sleep well?
More info would help me suggest strategies to deal with your situation. There are dozens if not hundreds of paths to wellness, it would help to know where we are starting from.
Thanks!
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