A
male
age
36-40,
*onleyBoy1986
writes:About 5 weeks ago my girlfriend broke up with me, telling me that my paranoia about her male friends and my possesiveness were the reasons, we've only ever argued about that in a relationship of nearly 2 years and have otherwise been totally happy. She told me she wanted some space and time to think about us, to decide if there was a way back, but I missed her so much that I was unable to do this for the first 4 weeks, after which we met up and she told me she just didn't want to talk to me anymore, until she felt ready, and that she was angry at me for not leaving her alone. We went a week with no contact at all, then saw each other at a friend's engagement party. She didn't talk to me all night, but kept looking slightly sad when she saw me looking at her. Then when she got out of a friend's car (we both got the same lift home) she stood looking really sad, then hugged me really really tightly, and told me she loved me. She walked into her house and I think she may have been crying. I'm totally desperate and sad without her, and I'd do anything to get her back. My friends keep telling me to make her want me, make her miss me, make her come to me, but it's so hard. I'm scared she's forgetting already. I've been getting professional help for my paranoia issues and I feel that after nearly 2 years I deserve a chance to show her that it has worked, that I have changed. She's told friends that she is still in love with me and doesn't want anyone else. Is there any hope of a rekindling of the relationship here, and how can I try and nudge it towards that if there is anything I can do to do that?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 It's good to hear that you took steps to address your paranoia, I expect that you are still in therapy for that issue, right?
My advice would be to write her a letter and tell her what you've told us here. She should know that you are working on the issue and that you feel it has been resolved. However, do not expect her to take you back with open arms. You've damaged the relationship, and it may be fixable if you both are willing to work on it. The thing is that she may not be willing to do this.
The way I see it, you have nothing to lose here by trying to connect with her again, other than you might suffer another major rejection by her. If you feel that you can withstand this, and have lots of support from your friends and family, then try it. If however, you are still feeling too fragile, you might need to give it a little more time. But she does need to know about the positive steps you've made in this issue.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, LonleyBoy1986 +, writes (17 June 2008):
LonleyBoy1986 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clarify, because I'm not sure how it reads originally. We have only ever had 3 arguments in a relationship of nearly 2 years, and they were all about the same issue of my paranoia. It took me a long time to realise that I needed help to get rid of problems dating from my childhood, but now I have got rid of them. I was on the verge of proposing to the girl later this year, and I'm totally lost without her.
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