A
female
age
36-40,
*oldilocksNZ
writes:I've been dating this guy for over 3 years (2004-2007), we've been very serious and have been living together for 2 years. I actually moved from the US to NZ to live with him at the beginning of 2006, and we've been inseparable ever since. However, there was a period of 10 months in 2005 where we didn't see each other because of a long distance relationship while we were in college (me in NC, him in NZ). When I was working down in Florida in 2005, I met this guy who worked with me that was absolutely amazing and we had immediate chemistry. I knew that he was attracted to me but being a loyal girlfriend, we did not give in to any temptations but just one kiss.I absolutely love my boyfriend, but I am still stuck on this guy from Florida. We keep in touch and we visit each other occasionally (on a friendly basis, no physical anything), and he actually came to visit me when I was working in Singapore. He met my boyfriend, and they got a long pretty well, but seeing them together made me realise that they offer completely different things but I am in love with both of them. Recently, my boyfriend has been away on business for 3 months and I've been on my own. I haven't strayed in anyway, but I have been constantly thinking about the guy from Florida (as in... all the time). I have a feeling my boyfriend will propose at the end of this year, which would make me completely overjoyed, but my only regret with this is not being able to see how things could have turned out with the Florida guy. Florida guy has also made plans to come see me and my boyfriend in NZ over Christmas... I want to see him, but I'm afraid that I can't keep these feelings inside me any longer.Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Hey guys,Thanks for your advice, I guess that I posted on this site because I was afraid to talk to friends or family because I was afraid of negative backlash or that they'd judge me. Well, I'm getting the same response from strangers so I guess all I needed was a good kick in the bum to make me realise what I have. I thought about what you all said and how much my boyfriend means to me... although I'm attracted to this other guy, it's probably more a consequence of not having any male attention for a few months than actually "being in love". I talked to my boyfriend last night and realised how much he cared for me and how much fun we have together. I also talked to the other guy (he rang to say hello), and I realised that even though we probably could have had a lot of fun if I was single, that's just not where I am right now so I have to let it go. I don't think I'll completely cut ties with him, we have a good friendship, but I'm definitely going to put more effort into my current relationship than wondering what could have been.Thanks for all of your support and advice, I have my feet back on the ground and my head screwed back on straight!
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Did you ever watch the movie with Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz and Dermont Mulroony? It is called My Best Friends Wedding. The movie had a good ending but the lesson taught in the meantime was that you can really mess things up by being confused in love.
The thing is someone had to take a stand and let go knowing the outcome could hurt someone they loved very much. The man and his love for the best friend and the love for his fiance. It almost ruined a relationship between best friends and between the real love of his life.
Whatever you do and how you feel about both of these men is very important. You however have to be strong enought to be honest with them both. You must decide to whom your heart really belongs. It is your decision alone. I do believe you can love two people at one time. The heart has to lead you and your concience has to deal with your decision. Be fair to these men who love you and fair to yourself when you choose. You stand to loose either or both of these men.
If you think you will be too confused to have the guy in Fl come visit and keep it on a plutonical level, don't. You should not allow this visit until you have come to terms with your own heart. Weight heavy your burden for it is not theirs. Be honest with yourself for it is you who could have the ultimate heartbreak for not choosing to love and be in love with the one man you desire the most.
If your relationship is going well in NZ. count yourself FORTUNANTE!! Not everyone has that kind of bond to start with. If you let it go you may never know what you truely may be giving up. If you think you are sweating it now ,think about loving two men in the same town at the same time. I did! It's all about choice and committment. I knew I had to lay it on the line. I valued my self respect and I chose to love them both but to respect them enough to choose between the two. I don't regret loving either of them. It turned out to be a long lasting realtionship. I knew what I had to do. I chose and I let go of the love that turned from IN LOVE TO Just LOVE thru the years. I was married to the first man and when we divorced I met the second. I married him and had two children. CHOOSE for BETTER OR WORSE .....IT's all up to YOU!!
God has a Watchful Eye and a great big set of Loving Arms. He will give you the strength to choose. "Ask and it shall be given unto you."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): I think you are playing these two guys like fools - allowing them to meet as friends whilst deep down you are "in love" with both of them - how cold is that. Its not a contest. You cannot keep one going on the off chance it might not work with the other. You made your decision when you went to NZ? How can you let the Florida guy infiltrate your life like this by visiting you with your boyfriend - he will be in your house, sharing your lives for a while. I think you need to take a long hard look at your emotions and your need for attention.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 hey,
your biyfreind loves you and you love him too so what do you want from the other guy!? maybe it is difficult but i can never beleive that someone can be in loce with 2 people (i wouldn't call it love)....
i know for a fact that you will feel very badly if your boyfrind had feelings for someone else. so why are you doing this to him.
FORGET ABOUT THEY GUY FROM FLORIDA .
i know that in your life before yo have loved someone and got over him anyways so do it now ... you will ruin everything you have built with your boyfreind (and i know that you don't want that) so if you say you love your boyfreind you need to forget about the other guy( and don't say it is impossible because true love will make you do all crazy things)....
good luck and please don't forget to tell us what happens next byeXXX......
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