A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,sorry but this is a little long.I'm realy wanting some advice as I'm feeling like I'm going out of my mind at the moment. I'm 21 years old and I still live at home with my parents. The thing is they both drink a lot. To get to the point I would say they were alcoholics. I can't really remember a day when my dad wasn't drunk; and my mum drinks every day as well. When my mum drinks all she wants to do is start an argument with me. She and my dad don't get along they might as well not be married any more. I don't really talk to my dad any more because he either snaps at me or ignores me. The biggest problem is my mum.During the day I'm at work but we both finish work around the same time. The first thing she does when she comes in is open up a bottle of wine and most nights she will go through 2 bottles. She can't go one day without picking at everything I do and treating me like a child. She has me on edge all the time because I'm scared she's going to start screaming at me. It got to one point a few years ago I took an overdose because I just felt like I couldn't cope any more. I can't afford to move out because it's just so expensive. I was at university but I was still living at home and I dropped out. All the stress at home just messed with my head and I didn't know what I wanted to do. Truth is I think I made a big mistake dropping out, I wish I was still there. I convinced myself it was the right thing to do but deep down I'm regretting it.I can't cope any more, she makes me feel so unwanted. I spend some nights just crying myself to sleep. I have thought of every option for me to move out but I'm stuck here. I would love to have a good relationship with my mum but she won't admit she has a drink problem. It's affecting my social life as well because I just seem to be miserable all the time and people think that's just the way I am but it's not, I've just constantly got my mum on my mind worrying about the next argument. I try to keep out of her way but then she shouts at me for not spending time with her. She's unhappy about her own life because she doesn't get along with my dad and she never gets out but she's taking it out on me and I just can't cope any more.Please could somebody give me some advice, anything at all. I would be grateful for and thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it was long.
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alcoholic, at work, depressed, drunk, living at home, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): You can't control anyone else. Move out. Look after yourself. Love yourself. Look for good relationships.
When your own family is not good, create your OWN family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): You DEFINITELY need to get out of there! I kinda relate to what you are saying and I know how much of an impact bad relationships with your mum can have on your life. You should tell your friends what life at home is like so they know WHY you're acting like that. Trust me, it might seem hard at first but it will make you feel so much better! Also, try as hard as you can to just get out. You might as well take a big risk and leave before you are phychologically scarred for life. If your parents are acting like that then it will obviously be hugely oppressive on your life. Can't you re-apply to uni? Maybe try a different one? If you have a best friend then beg to move in with them, say you'll pay them rent and then work really hard so you can. I'm sure if you explain to them then they will understand and feel that they really should help you out. I honestly think that you need to take action! Don't be afraid to take a risk and get out there into the world, free of your parents:D
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (21 January 2009):
 Get out of there; please for the sake of your own sanity and the damage this will do you. Normally I would suggest trying to talk things through but the first thing that needs to happen is that your parents need to sort out their own lives because it seems neither is in a position to realise the damager they are doing to yours until they get their own houses in order. Family therepy might be appropiate in the long-run but right now they need to tackle their alcohol problem first and foremost then their relationship, then heal the wounds.
Failing that is there a relative who you can talk to about all this who can take one or both of them in hand?? Either talk to that relative or asses your options for moving out ASAP, maybe to a friends or if that is not possible to the aforementioned trusted relatives. Good luck :)
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