A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So yes I have asked this question but I want to know how do you get a girl you have been dating for over a year to have sex with you??? It's gotten to the point where it's like hmmm shouldn't we have already done it like a dozen times??????? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (23 January 2009):
i'm going to say it again
SHE IS JUST NOT READY FOR SEX.
when she is, she will let you know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionummm to all of you that say stop pressuring her ya i havent lol i dont think you understand i have asked her about sex about 3 times and after dating for a month and a half well you can do the math and if you cant well lets see. Thats once every 6 months im pretty sure thats not pressuring and if it is then god i wonder how girls feel like when guys ask every idk month. Next part is i have not made any advancement on her by forcing sex upon her on any way shape or form. I havent even made a move to hint toward sex so everybody that feels like im such a horrible person for idk barly mentioning it and not making any physical move towards it can blow it out the a**hole
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (22 January 2009):
just because she is comfortable giving you head and jerking you off, does not mean she is ready for intercourse. god i was giving hand jobs and blow jobs a few years before i went all the way.
you need to listen to her when she says "she is not ready" and you need to learn that you can not get into her pants if she is not ready. you need to back off and stop pressuring her into something she is not ready for. i've been there before where an ex kept going on and on about sex and i got so sick of it i just dumped him, because at the time i was not ready. then after him another guy came along and he never mentioned sex and it just happened naturally and at the time it was great. so stop pestering her and leave her alone untill she is ready for sex.
if you keep going on at her she will get pissed off, like i did and leave you for someone who respects her wishes. you may say you love her, but you are obviously not respecting her when she says she is not ready
SHE IS JUST NOT READY!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I'm with satindesire, you don't seem to be taking it all too seriously. If you were you wouldn't be conjuring up ways to weasel into her panties.
Wait until she's ready or leave her so she can find a better guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have done everything you possibly can before sex and yes we have but the last time we have talked she said she wasnt ready and that was like a month ago
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (22 January 2009):
i don't get why guys just don't understand the term..."wait untill she is ready"
she obviously is not ready for a sexual relationship.
there is nothing wrong with her! she is just not ready.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): If she has sex issues due to her upbringing (see the thread http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-but-still-feel-like-im-not.html), she may not be ready for a *long* time - even after marriage. You two need to talk.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): More info please: what else have the two of you done? Is this a case of "everything else but", and you're wondering why not intercourse as well, or is she reluctant to have any sexual contact with you? I agree with the others, have you ever (in a non-threatening/demanding/whiney manner, asked her why not? Have you ever initiated a request for sex, or have you been waiting for her to do so?..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionummm ya both of us r virgins n we both love each other because well it had been a long time and we have told each other we have loved each other for a long time and if i was just in it for sex then i am the stupidest boy in the world because i waited way to long for it
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (21 January 2009):
maybe she does not want or feel like she is ready for sex. did you ever think to maybe talk to her about it? you can't just make her decide over night that she should have sex with you. she is not a blow up doll who is there to pleasure you. maybe she has never had sex before, so maybe it is a scary thought. you need to stop thinking about why you have not got any and maybe concentrate on making her feel comfortable with you. sex is not the main thing in a relationship...trust and communication are more important, and with them you get a loving sexual relationship.
don't pressure her! there is nothing worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Hmmm, a frustrating problem I'll agree but how have you approached her about sex? Are you pushy? Do you pressure her? Girls like to feel wanted but at the same time they like to know that their men respect them and like them for them, not just because of sex. Maybe shes a virgin? Maybe she's nervous about having sex and is reluctant to take the leap. If this is so, than the answer is patience, kindness and affection. In any case, it sounds if she's reluctant for a reason. Sit down with her and ask some questions. Communicate in an honest straight-forward way and hope she reciprocates :) Good Luck
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