A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I know this is a touchy subject when it comes to women. I've read previous questions about this issue and I've witnessed how the female answerers pounce on the male poster as if he was asking something so vile and disgusting.Let me start by saying, I love oral play. I give it to my girlfriend everytime we get intimate. I did it on our first night and I continue to do it to this day, even when she still refuses to do it with me. She loves it. I can tell by the way she grips my hair and won't let me go. Yet when I ask for it in return (and no, it's not everytime we have sex), she says that she isn't into that.I don't get it. My previous girlfriends did it without a problem, even my FWB did it without an issue. To be honest, It's not that I really need a blowjob, it's the fact that she restricts certain parts of herself from me. I feel if you're really into someone, you should do things for them to make them happy. I go down on her because it makes her happy. I change my wardrobe (sometimes) because it makes her happy. I even agreed to 'toss her salad' someday because she said she would like to experience that (even though I've never done it before).My point is, I really like her so I do certain stuff that would make me a bit uncomfortable just to satisfy her. I feel that if she was truly into me then she would at least try to please me the way I ask. Also, I feel like she rushes me during sex. Usually I like going a few rounds but with her, after one finish, she's ready to get dress and carry on with the rest of the day. I remember one time she asked me to hurry up and cum even though we had nothing to do with the rest of our day. There's also the issue with us kissing. She says that she doesn't enjoy kissing so when we do, it's always a little peck. I'm a romantic so I love kissing sessions. With her, all I've ever gotten was a quick peck or two. It doesn't feel like we're a couple who feels passion. Unfortunately, and I hate to admit this, it feels like one of my FWBs from my past. No passion, no willingness to go above and beyond, just basic interest.I guess this question isn't so much about her not giving a blowjob, but instead has a lot to do about whether she's actually into me or not.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): With the symptoms, I feel she is cheating on you. Try and find out if she has another affair when you are not around.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): She is not into you. As for the "if you love someone you should want to do things to please them ". Yes but there is a limit that is reasonable to expect. How far would you go to please her? Would you do something you find really disgusting which makes you want to vomit? Your examples of what you do to please her are "easy " because you don't find those thongs that uncomfortable to begin with. Your discomfort can be overridden. But what if it came down to something you really had a deep seated problem with like what if she wanted you to have sex with another guy and you're not gay or bi. Some people like to do oral and some don't. For those who do it ranges from finding it ok to being crazy about it. For those who don't like it, it ranges from not being too bothered doing it to outright finding it disgusting and upsetting. If she happens to really dislike it then it isn't fair to say she should do it anyway if she loves you. She may have any number of reasons she hates doing oral that have nothing to do with you as a person. Maybe her past experience with it was bad. Maybe she just doesn't like it the way there are things you just don't like too. And it could very well he that she isn't that into you that's why she doesn't feel motivated to go above and beyond her comfort zone for you. I hated doing oral with my ex for a lot of reasons (the way he treated me) but with my current partner I love doing it to the point of obsession (which makes him very happy) . So in summary. No it is not always true that if you love someone you should do things you dislike just to please them. There is a limit. If its something she really really dislikes, for her own personal reason, then its disrespectful to her to expect her to do it for you.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 March 2013):
I have a simple rule. No BJs, no dating. To each their own...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2013):
 she's into you. her sexual style is different than yours that's the problem.
My husband loves getting blow jobs... I love giving them... it works out well for us. I love getting oral. He can't/won't give oral and he was upfront about this from day one... I knew this going in,.... there was no bait and switch and I'm not seeing it here with your gf either.
he bemoans the fact that he can't do it for me... but it's really not something he can cope with. Clearly this is the case for your GF.
as for the other stuff.. my hubby loves to cuddle in bed on the weekends.. I can't stand to lay about doing nothing... he likes to cuddle and sleep... I would rather be up... I'm very into him but just not willing to lay about cuddling all day....
maybe you two just are not a good match.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): I feel your pain. Maybe find someone youre compatible with rather than bottle up resentment.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 Youre way too nice bro way too nice. Stop going down on her. She needs to reciprocate. Your sexual chemistry sounds horrid. Is she physically attracted to u? Is she upset about something? She seems withdrawn. Talk to her. Communicate.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 March 2013):
 I think this submittal is about two people who really aren't "in concert" when it comes to intimate matters....
To complicate things..... you write: "I feel that if she was truly into me then she would at least try to please me the way I as..." ... which, in my opinion, is your way of saying: "This is all about me... and why can't she (just) understand that, and do as I want?...."
Dating, relationships and intimacy are more about GIVING than RECEIVING..... I'm not certain that you feel the same...
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 It sounds to me like she's not that into you. It seems like she doesn't really want intimacy with you on any level. Would be a deal-breaker for me.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (12 March 2013):
 Unfortunately different people like different things and sometimes we can be extremely compatible in life but not at all compatible in bed and this can be a problem in the relationship if you're not satisfied with it.
Many women love giving and receiving oral but many women dislike it a lot and unfortunately your girlfriend is in this catagory. Sometimes if they don't like it, you asking for it will make them want to try it even less!
I think you might need to have a frank conversation about what you both want out of the relationship sex wise and if you're not on the same level perhaps you might have to look at the bigger picture and see if you're right for one another.
As for whether she's into you, im sure she is, but it doesn't mean she likes BJ's any less!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): You know she probably is into you OP. It sounds more like a comparability issue.
I have known others to hate kissing passionately with anyone. I'm a smoker too so I have had girlfriends who liked kissing that way but not so much with me because of my smokers breath.
As for blow jobs she's just not into those. To me that would be a deal breaker, I don't work well with women who won't/can't give head so I don't even try.
Then there's the how you like to have sex thing, she likes to finish early and you don't. That's not a huge deal in my opinion as long as she's willing to mix things up a bit and have varied types of sex.
OP disliking blow jobs is not a sign she's not into you, I know plenty of women who having a dick in their mouth. Disliking that type of kissing is not a sign of that either.
I can see why you would think that but in my opinion it's more that she doesn't like those things and you do. I know people who absolutely detest PDA for example, they actually act cold to their partner in public. I know guys who hate giving oral, I even know guys who dislike getting blow jobs because they like to be in control. Not a sign of disinterest just merely their sexual style.
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