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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Im going crazy. I dont know what to do anymore. I have been with my fiance for seven mostly great years. But the past few months, I have found out a few things. He was texting some girl he met at a job he was doing and called her beautiful. And on New year's eve was hitting on a friend of ours in our home with me home. We are supposed to get married in May. He is excited about the wedding. I mentioned postponing it. But he doesn't want to. I love him so much. I dont want to scare him off. But I question everything he does now. I worry about when he's on his phone. I panic when he leaves for work. I dont trust him. He knows I dont trust him. I talk to him about most stuff. But he does get angry and refuses to talk about stuff he did. He said hes sorry and wont happen again. I'm driving myself crazy!!!! What should I do? Other then break up with him.
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fiance, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (17 March 2013):
Thanks for follow up its always appreciated to get feed back.I only hope for you that you make the right decision. Because Trust is a must in a married situation. Kind wishes. Nora B.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 PRE-MARITAL counseling.
Do it.
If you have trust issues and unresolved issues then TALK about it, go to a counselor if that is what you need, but DO NOT go into a marriage thinking a ring will change him (or you) into the perfectly faithful spouse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): You need to call off the wedding because this relationship is headed down the road of a disaster marriage. Better to not have a marriage, than to have a crap one. Don't be so desperate for a marriage that you would rather have a terrible one than to stay single. And you will still be upset if married anyway so what would you gain from going through with the wedding except losing a lot of money and making it more costly to leave him should it come to that (and with the relationship in this state I would definitively not rule out the possibility that you might need to break up with him) . Once trust is gone it is extremely difficult to regain even if the other person has repented and truly changed. If they haven't even changed you will never trust him again so why lock yourself to this person by a marriage and put financial and legal obstacles to ending the relationship should you need to in future? With your relationship being on such shaky grounds you should be keeping your options open right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for the great advice. No there was really no signs of him acting this way before. But he has always been a flirt. And no it was not innocent flirting with this girl. And when he hit on our friend, he made her uncomfortable. He tryed to follow her in the bathroom. There is no excuses for his actions. He went to jail for 4 months and I was completely faithful and waited for him like I promised. He has been home for 8 months now so its not because he just got his freedom. But anyway I feel I deserve the same respect I give him. But I do love him so much.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 March 2013):
I am also getting married in June, and I have been with my fiancee for multiple years, and are in your same age range. Hence, I can associate to your situation. With that, I think I need some more color on what you say. I can see a situation where I would call one of my co-workers "beautiful" completely off the cuff and harmless. Also, your perception of him "hitting" on someone may be very different than yours. I am also a bit flirty, but it ends there and I would never do anything past that. Your fiancee may be the same way.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 March 2013):
 Whatever you do don't marry him yet. You should absolutely postpone the wedding. You shouldn't be getting married when you are feeling so unsure of the relationship at this point, and I don't blame you. He could just be getting nervous about the impending commitment, but the way he handles this does not bode well for your future together.
He did something wrong and broke your trust and rather than try to make it better, he is refusing to talk about it. Which not only makes him seem untrustworthy, but also means that he will be unable to cope with the conflicts that will come up along your marriage. What happens if you disagree with where you want to live and he deals with it like he's dealing with this now?
This isn't a situation where you should dump him immediately on the spot, but you shouldn't move forward with getting married unless he has a serious attitude adjustment. Both in communicating with you AND with secretly flirting. Right now he is not husband material, I'm not even sure he's boyfriend material.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): That's a sign of something isay won't change.I'm sorry..be strong..
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 March 2013):
 One thing is for sure.... you don't marry him in May....
After seven years... how has it happened that the incidents that you've described took place??? Have you not seen similar behaviour from him in the past?
Good luck...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): "What should I do? Other then break up with him."
Given the parameters you've set, you have two choices:
1) Marry a guy you don't trust but tells you everything you want to hear when he's not getting angry and refusing to talk to you about "stuff he did."
2) Continue shacking up indefinitely with a guy you don't trust but tells you everything you want to hear when he's not getting angry and refusing to talk to you about "stuff he did."
Sorry, but waving a magic wand and suddenly making him perfect is not within the bounds of reality and therefore not an option.
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (12 March 2013):
 He might be having last minute doubts or flirtations before the commitment of marriage is final, but this is no excuse! I would talk to him about how you feel and why and see if there is any way he might be able to go to some therapy as a couple in th elead up to he marriage to make sure this is the right step for you both - it isn't good going into a marriage with so many doubts, so I do hope you can find a solution!
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female
reader, NORA B +, writes (12 March 2013):
This is a painful situation to be in so Close to your wedding in May.Trust ia very important when you get married or as you are now. Please have a chat with him on this issue and tell how you feel But do have a long and hard think about your wedding date . Best Luck Nora B.
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