A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy I met online. I have met him in person and it's completely amazing how much we get a long. He said he loved me even before we met (talking for a few months, phone webcam) and I kind of took it with grain of salt and then now he says he loves me a lot, every time we talk. Sounds kind of strange but I feel like he says it too much? Like he's just saying it? How can I even know he's being sincere? One little example of why I question this is when I flew to see him for the first time he didn't wait for me in the airport but had me walk out to the line of cars doing pick up and drop offs. I thought if he really cared he would have parked and waited for me. Then when he dropped me off at the airport to go home he just dropped me off, like an hour early. I thought if he cared a lot he would have waited with me. I don't know, maybe I'm just being picky, but even if he says he loves me all the time, how can I know he's being sincere?
View related questions:
long distance, met online Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Faraday  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 "jc82" has hit it squarely on - do you know how much it costs to park even for a short time at London's airports?The pick-up/drop-off areas are very time constrained and require the car to be attended at all times, so he could not have accompanied you.Just enjoy the declarations of love; you have no real reason to suspect they are not genuine.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Don't judge your relationship by the "airport". Remember, a dog is man's best friend... but Rover won't pick you up at the airport either.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2010):
The red flag here is that you've not met other than online. So how can he know he loves you? He may only love this imaginary image of you. If you met, he may not love you. The point is, before he can make any good decision, he needs to see you and spend time with you. If he's saying he loves you before you've even met, that's a danger sign.
...............................
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (24 February 2010):
 You can't know it for sure if he is sincere until you two spend real time together. The airport example you mentioned is not much to go on. Maybe that is normal airport behavior for him, maybe he thought he wouldn't be able to go beyond security with you, or maybe he didn't want to pay huge amounts for parking... there could be other things like this involved. You can always mention that when you come again, it would be nice to have a romantic greeting inside the airport, and then see how he reacts.
Having a long distance relationship is tough, and maybe saying "I love you" often just makes him feel more connected. You should test the boundaries of your intimacy with him and talk about your concerns. Tell him that you love to hear that he loves you, but he says it so often that you worry it doesn't have as much meaning for him as it does for you. Maybe he can reassure you! Good luck :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Hey there.
I know what you mean. Sometimes if you say it too much it loses meaning. But everyone has a different way of using those 3 words. Some say it in passing or just as a complement. For others they only ever say it when they truely feel connected to someone. Maybe if you just say to him that you'd prefer it if he said it when he really means it in a gentle way he would stop and think about saying it all the time. I would try to accept that he says he loves you, take him at his word and don't question it, this will only cause friction.
As for him dropping you off early and things, some guys are like this after they are secure in a relationship. They feel that they dont need to go to special lengths for you and spend all their time on you because they feel secure that you are their girlfriend. He might think you dont need him to escort you everywhere. Whereas you would LIKE him to as courtesy, which is different.
I know exactly how you feel. I met my LDR boyfriend for a weekend and he went early to catch his flight with his friends. I really wanted to stay with him as long as possible as we dont see much of each other, but he seemed happy to go and catch his flight. I felt I couldnt express this to him as his friends were there and this would have been awkward and I didnt want to be needy. But maybe you could just say to him that it upsets you when he leaves you early because you want to enjoy his company for as long as possible because you dont see him much? This might make him see that he isnt thinking about your feelings and needs.
I just think when a guys gets comfortable in a relationship, they get a bit lazy some of them. He thinks you'll still be there if he doesnt do these things so why do them. It sucks but unfortunatly some guys are like this. It doesnt nessasarily mean he doesnt still love you and want to be with you, he's just being an insensetive guy.
I think as long as everything else in your relationship is good, perhaps either ask him directly to do these little things for you, or try to accept his behaviour as just one of those things.
Good luck I hope this helps :)
...............................
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Hi hun, He may believe in his mind that he is sincere, but it sounds to me like he doesn't know the meaning of the word love.
To be telling someone you've only ever talked to online that you love them should be a huge red flag for you.
Your instincts are telling you it's wrong and if I were you I'd feel the same going from what you've said about his behaviour.
Think about dating others, keep your options open and if you continue seeing this guy, keep your eyes open and be ready to bail out at any moment. x
...............................
|
