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age
30-35,
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writes: Hi aunts and uncles, I am in need of some advice on how to cope with my feelings for one of my friends.So basically I moved away to university in September and instantly became friends with this guy, we shall call him 'Ian'. So the two of us instantly became friends and my feelings could have been described as being slighlty stonger as there was a definate attraction to him but at this point Ian was in a long term relatonship, however they broke up not long after arriving at uni. Sine then we have become exceptionally close and spend alot of time together and I would conider him as one of my best friends, but I would also say that I am in love with him. The main problem with this is he is infatuated with another girl in our halls, a girl who the rest of our freinds can see is not a nice person and is leading him on as she has already turned him down on more than one occassion. Because we are such good friends Ian is always telling me about his feelings for this other girl and I just feel as if I cant cope any more, also as I am moving in with Ian and another couple of people next year.I couldn't cope if I didint have Ian in mty life, but i also feel this is too hard as It is begining to have an effect on the rest of my life as I am not sleeping properly, crying alot and jsut feeling down most of the time. :(If anyone has any advice on how to deal with thsi situation, or what I should do then it would be so much help.Thank you for taking the time to read this ( I really didint intend on making it so long!) and thank you for any advice :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I'm in a fairly comparable situtation and so I can totally relate to what you're saying. You must first of all consider whether to tell him how you feel about him or not. If you think there's any chance of him liking you back, this is what you're going to HAVE to do. But if you do decide on this course of action, do NOT come on too strong. Do NOT profess your undying love for him or anything. That will likely freak him out and wreck everything.
Alternatively, you could choose to remain just friends. This may in fact be the safer bet, especially if you are pretty certain he isn't into you in a romantic way. If he knows how you feel about him, you could lose the friendship you have now. Oh, you might still be friends, but it would just be weird. Do you dare running the risk of losing this friendship. If not, if you truly believe he isn't attracted to you and want to stay friends, then you need to get pass your intense feelings for him. And that, I'm sorry to say, is going to require distancing yourself somewhat until the passion burns itself out - and believe me, the more intense the passion, the more certain it will eventually burn out.
Once again, I can totally relate to where you're coming from and sympathise. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. But regardless of what happens, remember there are millions of other guys out there, many of whom would be just right for you. So even if things between you and your friend don't take off, you will meet someone else sooner or later.
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