A
female
age
30-35,
*othorien10
writes:I've been friends with this guy on the internet for over a year and recently we decided to meet up. I thought it would just be as two mates going out but he ended up telling me he loved me and i kissed him. We've been together for 3 months now, and I've met up with him 12 times as he lives a few hundred miles away :( We had a really intense conversation a few weeks back that got quite sexual, he told me about some of the things he wanted to do to me, I enjoyed it but afterwards I couldn't help feeling a bit freaked out.I'm falling for him and i want to lose my virginity but i'm a bit worried about my first time. (He's had sex before)PS. I'm 17 and he's 24.HELP!
View related questions:
the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Thats good for you, to take it slow. He could be a perfectly nice guy for all I know, it's just a bit worrying to see him dating someone so much younger, speaking from my own point of view as I am also 24. But it could be perfectly fine, and that he's just a normal guy who fell for you, and that you will have a lovely relationship together. It's important though that he respects your boundaries, and for now it seems he is. Like he asked for nudes but you didn't send any, thats good. Nude pictures are a bad idea no matter how well you know the other person, and no matter how much you trust them. You could be married and sending nude pictures would still be a bad idea, because after you have sent the picture you have 0% control over who gets to see them.
If you want to show him nudes I suggest you take some with your own camera and then when you meet up with him you show them to him. But not give them to him! You need to be able to control what happens to these pictures and as soon as you give them away it's out of your control.
And yes, if he actually truly cares about you he will respect your boundaries. He is fully aware of your age and can't expect you to be "ready" for everything like many women his own age are. Not that 24 year old women will jump to bed with just about anyone, but with a virgin, and especially a 17 year old virgin, there are more boundaries. He knew this (or should have known this) when entering a relationship with you. So this he must respect. He can't expect you to want to be sexual with him, at least not while you are still only a teenager and a virgin, and haven't even known him for too long. Not to mention the distance. Long distance relationships are more difficult to maintain that a normal relationship. You might want to consider the future of this relationship as well when you think about having sex. Would you rather have your first time with someone you can see a future with, as in staying together for years, or someone who stays for a few days at a time, then leaves, and who knows when you'll meet up again...?
The harder you fall for this guy who lives away from you, the more heartache the relationship will give you, because you will miss him more and more. I was in a LDR once, and every time he left it felt like we broke up because suddenly he was gone, and I was alone again. Talking over the phone can not replace a hug or a kiss.
A
female
reader, Lothorien10 +, writes (17 November 2010):
Lothorien10 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot for the advice, I was a bit worried about the age gap too to be honest, I've never really dated an older guy before but i think once i got to know him it became less of an issue. If he really cares about me, he'll be willing to wait until i'm ready right? I've always thought that when i have sex for the first time, it'll be with someone i really care about. I think time will tell if he's the right person. He asked me once to send him a nudie but i felt a bit uncomfortable and told him so, he hasn't asked me since.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 November 2010):
Dear you: do not have sex with him until you are 18. He is too old for you at this moment, you are just too young. At 18 it will be a bit better, you will have matured more, and the age difference wont be as massive. I am also worried about your boyfriends level of maturity, and I do not say this to be mean or offensive, but I am 24 years old myself and wouldn't even consider dating a 17 year old, let alone have sex with them (they are basically children to us)!
You have also only been together for 3 months, and you have not known him for that long. Yes, you have been friends online, but there is a difference between online and real life. In real life you only started to know him 3 months ago. Wait with having sex with him until you know him in real life a bit better. As for the distance, it is easy for him to go behind your back, and it can be very tempting to cheat if you are that type of person. Which you don't really know yet what type of person he is, other than that he is a 24 year old who dates a 17 year old. Which is cause for reasonable concern. Take it slow. Get to know him, and figure out if this is a good man or not. In my experience it takes around a year into a relationship for people to show their true self.
If you just want to use him for sex, understand that sex is more than just an act. It tends to lead to feelings developing, cravings for intimacy, opening up to getting wounded, exposing yourself... lots of things.
Whatever you do: do NOT send him nude pictures. Those things end up online faster than you know. Even if you trust him now, if you have a fall out and he decides to be a prick it would be to easy to post pictures online of you. So, do not send him nudes.
...............................
|
