A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to go out with this guy but his parents are so strict they don't even allow him to have a gf. He wants to go out with me too and its upsetting him just to tell me he is only friends with me. I know he wants more and so do I..so I am doing the just 'friends' thing with him to ease his pain and out of respect for him since that is all he wants for now and I am okay with it as I am still only getting to know him. I feel he fears his parents. His parents want to control all of his moves. He has no freedom whatsoever - he has to give whatever he earns to them as neither of them work. Its almost as if he is too scared to do something against their wishes. I told him what you do with your life is upto you and not your parents but you need to realise that for yourself. Going out with a girl would be against his parents wishes and if they came to know about him just merely meeting me they would probably beat him up..so he just has been seeing me for a couple of mins every few days then going but all done in secret. I am older than him and so if anything does come out of it - his parents might not approve of me as I am a few yrs older than him. Help - how can this ever be resolved? I know its upto him to do something for once and for all...but he is torn between the parents and myself I guess. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Jilly - I totally agree.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): A difficult situation, and as I was reading your question, I couldn't help but think that IF this guy was your age or older than you, why is he allowing this, this is NOT normal behaviour from a mature adult man.
As I read on towards the end of your question, you talk about his parents 'beating him' appalling if this is accurate or true, and that he has to give all his money to his parents as they don't work, the TOP this, he is YOUNGER than you, and as you say " I am a few yrs older than him. "
I realize you like this 'boy' but do you think he might just be too young for you in every way, not just age, as all you say points to this. I'm sorry, but if he's still under 20, one he would have very little experience life wise to match you. Men are always emotionally a little behind women, and I'm afraid if he is very young, not only are you creating a very difficult dating scenario, as even IF he could date you openly, your life experiences, his lack of being ' assertive' and taking control of HIS life and move away from his parents, does not sound like the type of relationship a 26-29 year old woman is going t be happy with.
Sadly, if he is OLDER than 20, still living under thumb of his parents, doing what he is told, giving all his money away, not being open about who he sees, and when, doesn't forebode well for any woman to have a relationship with him. That makes him sound weak and pliable, which until HE deals with WHY he allows this..it will leave you constantly wanting and aching for more.
At 26-29 the only reason you settle for being friends only, is IF BOTH parties want that because they don't want or are not ready to date, not because of someone's parents. And from what you say, they don't sound as though they are going to change - so he either has to stand up to them and become a MAN or remain at home giving his money away and doing as he's told. You will have to talk to him about this, and NO it is not being pushy or tactless, you have a life a too, and if being in a relationship is what you want, then say, don't go along with things just to please, as it will give him the impression you're happy with that situation, when really underneath you want him for a boyfriend.
Jilly
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