A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I'm feeling like giving up right now, it's too much I could handle. People surround me keep telling me what to do according to the law in my country and stuffs, it seems I have to sacrifice my own feeling. It is about my relationship with a guy. We met online and we've been planning to meet each other. He offered me an airplane ticket to visit him, and if things going smooth, he planned about marrying me. I know it didn't make sense for some people marrying someone rightaway, when they haven't even met in person, but this guy shows me how serious he is about me. It was great at first, but then when I started bringing it up to my parents, reality hit me. They are against us, especially the fact that he has different nationality and lives a world apart. I know they're being concerned, but at the same time they're also telling me who I should date and marry. I'm 24 now and it doesn't make sense why they did that to me. And few weeks ago I was confirmed to fill a position working with the government which is pretty much telling me that I have signed a contract with my country. I talked about it to my boyfriend, and it eneded up with us arguing. He said that I turned the job over him. I gave him an option, why would he not come here be with me, but he insisted if he came, then we should stay together eventhough we are not married which is something considered illegal in my country. And that's the whole problem. He wanted me to come, while at the same time, my parents warned me not to. What should I do? I love him dearly and I don't wanna break his heart. But I don't want to hurt my parents either. And now I have to live day by day dealing with guilt, coz no matter what I do, there is no easy way out, someone will get hurt..Please, I really need help. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): It's even worse for me. I am 19, in college, while my boyfriend is 26. I met him online. I've been skype-ing with him for almost a year. But we have so much in common, like crazy load in common, I'm willing to adjust my plans for him. I even plan on growing old with him, with kids!! Doing law school in Canada, moving to a remote province like Newfoundland, and expecting a fight with my parents. Plus!! He is Indian Muslim and I'm Chinese. Talk about religion, ethnicity, and arranged marriages!! He hasn't even a permanent residence yet and no job, no house although he's a graduate. Christ's sake, he cannot even come to USA because he would need a visa to see me. Hell, I would have to marry my parents behind their backs and tell them at least 3 years later after I graduate. I think I'm in a worse situation than you are but for him, I would do anything. I trust this man because he's the love of my life. And even if the whole universe is against us, I wouldn't care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I really appreciate all of you who gave me insights on the situation I'm dealing with.
I know it sounds a little naive if I just go with the flow meeting this guy whom I met online not even knowing what kind of person he is, but I've been trying my best to drag him here. He used to tell me that he's going to come and meet me here, I don't know why all at sudden he wanted me to come instead. Is it right for guys to just ask their online girlfriend to come to be with him? If it was you asking your girlfriend to come be with you yet her parents are against you, what would you do??
And eventhough meeting a person in regular basis is much more safe, I will never marry someone whom my parents pick for any SAFETY reason. No offense but I don't think that safety is all you see in marriage.
How should I tell him to come? If he keep insisting me to come, then should I just leave him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Online relationships CAN and HAVE worked out.
It's true the odds are not great.
But it's a two way passage. It has to be a mutual decision. One you both feel is the right one to make.
At the moment you are letting yourself be guided by outside opinions. But you don't seem to cinder your own the much worth.
What is it that YOU want? Figure that out and follow your heart... but do be prepared for it to lead you into the wrong places... sometimes our hearts can do that.
Be happy. Thats all there is to it. Whatever happens, be happy.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Honestly, forget this online guy. You cannot marry or plan to marry someone you have never met. Your parents are right in this. This guy also has no right to tell you what to do with your life, as in your job. It's madness to plan your life around an internet relationship. Please think about this is a 'real world' sort of way. Meet a real life guy, local to where you live, who you can get to know and go out with. Don't go searching on the internet for someone who you cannot meet in person on a regular basis.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): It's impossible to love someone you have never met. You are only seeing what they want you to see. It is also very dangerous to believe everything without seeing it for yourself. Not everyone is bad, but a real life is not online, its easy to invent and lie. Be careful and do not build your dreams around it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I'm not much older than you (25), but in all honesty, you sound very naive about this guy.How can you love someone you've never met!?Take it from a girl who spent 6 months online dating and then in actually meeting people and had nothing between us in person.You are riding too much on a relationship that's not real yet. Tell him to come out here and meet you and your parents and go from there if you're really serious.If he's talking about marriage and blah blah blah, he should be willing to do that for you - EASY. If he gives you any grief about it, then it's a scam and you should just cut all ties with people and go out and meet real people.Who cares about the different nationalities and any of that. I'm sure you're parents are just concerned over meeting some random dude a country away who's conning you into thinking you're in love and moving away from them to meet some guy you've never met. It's retarded. Take a step back. If you had a friend in your shoes, what would your advice to her be?
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