A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m 28 and my husband is 46, The problem is that he desperately wants to have kids but I don’t feel ready, I’m not even sure that I want to have kids at all but I’ve decided that if I do choose to get pregnant I’d rather do it when I’m well into my thirties. I feel like he is pressuring me to have babies as he is worried about his longevity (if we chose to have a kid now he’d be in his 60’s when the kid becomes an adult). He and I been married for nearly four gorgeous years and during those years I’ve begun to understand more of him than of myself. He makes me wonderfully happy and I don’t want him to feel disapointed or upset with me. Whenever he talks to me about the subject we always end up fighting and often there is a tense atmosphere between us that lasts for a few days. I just don’t know how to approach him.I’d be grateful for any advice you can offer me.Thanks,Paula Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smartazngirl  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I think you should re-think about this.
I understand that you don't know what's the first thing about kids, and all that stuff, but try to think about your husband more. You've been married for 4 years already.
When my parents got married, they waited about 2 years and then had me & my twin sister.
I'm sure your husband loves you. =)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): How much longer do you think your body is gonna wait?
Eventually it will become more and more difficult to concieve not matter how you feel about it.
Your body is ready. It won't wait long for you.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 December 2008):
 We had a simular question earlier:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-husband-has-ed-and-wants-me-to.html
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 December 2008):
 Just one correction: he wouldn't be sixty by the time your child became an adult. He would be something like seventy. If he's 46, and, say, you became pregnant tonight, the baby would be born when he were 47. The baby would be 20 by the time he becomes 67. That is a serious point to consider.
That said, I think this is a situation in which you either need to say "no" or "yes", and accept whatever comes with each choice. And I'm sorry, but it's for you to decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): You have been married for four years, that's not a small amount of time and I'm sure you both spoke about your desire to have children before you got married. I do understand that you want to wait (I was the same, had my first one at 36) but the difference was that I was with someone the same age as me. Perhaps you should consider his feelings a little more instead of just your own feelings. If you put yourself into his shoes, of course he doesn't want to wait until you are in your mid thirties beacuse then he will have even less time to lavish love on his children and watch them grow older. If you truly loved him, I think you would compromise on when you have children. Why not agree that you will aim to have your first child at thirty? Love is all about compromise - you don't want to jeopardise your relationship by just putting your own needs and wants first. You have to remember that in age difference relationships comes more compromise than others. Best of luck x
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