A
female
age
41-50,
*eminiJewel
writes:I'm not sure where to begin. I apologize now if I'm all over the place, but I'm going to try.. I met this guy when we were 15, so we have a bit of history. The jist; Instant love, we were inseparable, I got pregnant, our parents forbid us to see each other, we were both angry feeling abandoned. We went on with our lives. Now, 13 years later, we meet again. Our parents live across the street from each other. GO FIGURE! When I moved back from across the country, I had no idea he was so close. I was home for about 2 years before we ran into each other. Up until then I had made him to be this evil monster in my head because he left me to deal with the abortion by myself. Anyways, He was very interested. He pursued me for a while until I finally gave in and went out with him. We were out all night picking up where we left off. It was an instant rush of feelings coming back. A few nights later the drama starts to unfold.I find out he is married to a girl I went to high school with, he has been in prison, and has a custody battle going on with his previous wife. Despite all this, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he really has changed his life. He and his step father went half on a company and he threw himself into that to stay out of trouble. We see each other every chance we get. He explains to me he and his wife are on the outs, but he needs her to leave him because if he left her she would hold his son against him. He loves his boys and not being able to see them would hurt him. I understood that. At this point in time everything seemed to be working out well. He left his wife, and was with me. She had no idea I was in the picture, but she knew about our history. about a month or two into it, a case came up against him. he had to move back in with her. He swore it was just for the case and nothing was happening. I believed him. It has now been a year and this is still going on. He got his own place, and She was gone for a good 4 months, but he was very depressed because when she goes she takes his son with her. I understood that too. We got into a fight and to get back at me he got back with her. Now, they are living together with both his sons ( he got custody) and she leaves almost every weekend from their fights. He swears there is nothing between them and she is at a breaking point. He tells me that they don't sleep together. He sleeps on the couch, and I know that's true because he has always done that. He always says they are the farthest thing from a happy family and he is just waiting for her to leave. He tells me how much he loves me and he wants me to stick this out with him, but I keep going back and forth. In the beginning, I got close with his family. I spent the holidays across the street with them. Now that she is back in the picture I am forced to be a secret. I have to watch while she is there for all the functions I used to attend. It makes me crazy. His family all think he is trying to make it work with her since he allowed her to come back. I got pushed out of the picture, but they know he and I are still "friends." I don't know what I should do anymore. I try to see the big picture, but I get so jealous and doubtful that we are fighting more and more. I sometimes get the feeling like she isn't ever going to leave. There usually isn't a day that goes by where we don't see each other or at least talk. When I am with him he reassures me and I am content. Then, we part and the bad feelings flood my mind. I hate this situation. Should I keep waiting for him. I love him like I have never loved anyone, but when is enough enough?
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a break, abortion, depressed, got back together, in jail, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): enough should have been enough when you learned he was married, no dont keep wating your only wasting your time
A
female
reader, Sassy78 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 Come on..he gets his cake an eats it too..what case would they have that they would have to live together..(weird) if he was done he'd be done an put you an your relationship first..i would say you are an have been second choice..he reassures you cause he knows thats all he needs to do for you to still be there when he needs you an you do you are..its worked through out your whole "relationship" if he wanted it to be th way it should be you an him an his boys building a life together believe me he would get her out..an go to court or whatever to see his son..not boo who about it..you need to find someone without the baggage an put you were you should be 1st..hope you dont be played a fool any longer an get rid of him..thats not love..thats him being selfish..good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 That point should have been reached the minute you learned he was married, was in the midst of a custody battle (and had been been in prison, depending on what it was for).
Obviously I don't know the man so I can't say for certain, but I suspect he isn't trying to play you or use you. His mind, like his life (the latter because of the former), is all over the map right now. He has unfinished and rather messy business to deal with and you should steer clear of him until everything is sorted out, the dust has settled and he has had a couple of years of harmonious living under his belt to prove that he is worth the investment. That applies to any man.
You can either put the questions to bed, and deal with the pain of losing him once or you can keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and continue dealing with it over and over and over again.
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