A
female
age
36-40,
*reamy
writes:I recently came back in contact with an old flame in June. We saw eachother for the first time in a long time, exchanged info and began speaking on a regular basis.Initially the conversations started out flirty, then they got downright dirty. While this is going on we both were going through break ups from our long term relationships. Talking to eachother was a thrill, but due to the fact that we live in different states it was strictly conversation. This continued for about 2 months. We saw eachother again in August at a weekend long event and the chemistry was undeniable, we were around friends so we couldn't really express our attraction toward eachother or spend any alone time. But each day that we saw eachother the stares and sly comments were all there, mutually. By the end of the weekend, my old flame came clean and told me about the strong attraction and said she wished the weekend had went differently so we could have spent more time together. I then shared my mutual feelings as well.We go back home, she has a terrible fallout with her companion of 5 years. They are obviously still in love but can't seem to work things out. I am still a friend so i am there to lend an ear when my "flame" wants to talk about it. So I pretty much know everything.I too, went through (and still am) the most horrible part of my break up. i.e screaming, crying, constant arguing...Now we're both still going thru our breakups but not as intense.Problem is, we dont talk in the same manner that we used to. My feelings have become stronger. I want to date her and be given a chance. She tells me that she's dating and tells me about the dates she goes on. As a friend, i listen but I am jealous as hell!! I want to go on a date too. She calls me everyday, and texts me all day, but just in a "friend" manner. I go along with it but on the inside I want to talk and flirt like how we used to. I really want to tell her but can't in fear that she may stop speaking to me as much. She's coming to my state in a few weeks, Im really anxious to see her but Im scared that she'll really treat me like a "friend" and not a "potential candidate". I LOVE speaking to her, I just want more...So what do I do? I like her. We have a lot in common and i KNOW I'd be a good catch. ??? I just don't want to come off as being desperate.
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female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 I think, if you truly feel for her you should tell her.
You need to know whether you have a chance and whether she definitely feels the same. Maybe the reason she's acting as a friend is becasue you are too.
Obviously you don't want to come on too strong or appear desperate, as you say, but if she thinks you're just trying to be a friend then she'll only treat you as a friend rather than in a more romantic way, how you'd want her to.
If you want to be more flirty with her try it! You don't have to be outrageously flirty; just try making the odd comment so it's subtle but noticable and see how she reacts; you may well get back to how you used to be and talk and flirt as much as you did before.
Just remember to be tactful and sensitive about the issue however; you have both come out of tough break ups and she may not feel she is ready to go straight back into another serious relationship straight away.
I think that if there is as much chemistry as you say there is, you will have no problem. She might be treating you like just a friend at the moment but maybe that's what she needs right now. Sometimes we have to be patient to get what we want and that could be the case here.
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