A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner had a child with an ex who he was with for 7 years. When he met her she was actually living with a woman and left her husband of her two children for the woman. Then she moved on to my partner and they had a child together also. When we first got together he told me that they never argued and got along well. She left him after 7 years for another man. One day he came home at lunch from work and she had wrecked his house – stolen all furniture, smeared dog muck up the walls, put iron burns in the carpets and smashed his wood flooring. She also took a lot of savings from the joint account – which she hadn’t earned because she had never worked (and still doesn’t). He told me that they hadn’t slept together for two years prior to her leaving and she slept on the settee. She used to drink a lot of alcohol.Now for some reason, I am insanely jealous of her. She is quite pretty (but a bit over weight). I think it is cause they have a lovely son together and when we first got together he told me it took him a long while to get over her. They had been split up for four years when I got together. They don’t really talk much as she fell out with him when she tried to get half of his house but was unsuccessful. He now changes his story and says that he loves me more than he love ever loved her. But when I first met him he said he loved her a lot. Why am I so obsessed with their relationship and how much he felt for her? I have been with my partner for 18 months – living together for one year and it eats me alive and causes my partner grief because I always mention her and he says I should believe him that he feels nothing for her. He says he is the happiest he has ever been and I love him so much. We hardly ever argue and get along well. He has said he wants marriage and children with me and is 100% comitted but i am wrecking this with my obsession over his ex!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Hmm first off I think there is a lot more to their break up then he has told you. No woman trashes a guy's house because she has found a new man, that makes NO SENSE.
Secondly, JUST looking at THOSE actions (who she treated him like dirt, took his money, trashed his house) HOW can you be jealous of THAT? THAT is part of who she is.
So she is a little pretty, so what? Pretty/handsome doesn't equate being a decent human being.
I do think it's partly RJ Like Tisha1 mentions and YOU need to find a way to stop or you REALLY will wreck what you got going on.. and over what? Some dumb ex?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Remember: As long as you ruminate about this woman, and her's and your B/F's past.... SHE gets free rent in your head. Do you want to extend that to her?
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 February 2014):
 I think you have the female version of retroactive or retrograde jealousy. You can search about that topic here: http://www.dearcupid.org/search and I would highly recommend you read the posts of this aunt: http://www.dearcupid.org/people/yos
Basically, you may have a form of OCD which expresses itself as this retroactive jealousy. Read up on that, see if doesn't help you come up with a game plan to deal with it.
Those with RJ who post often here either manage to overcome it through changing their thought processes or they deal with it by ending the relationship and starting over with a partner without the 'past' that feeds the obsessive thinking patterns.
I hope this helps you figure out what you need to do! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): I think you're not happy without drama in your life. The whole story is convoluted, and makes very little sense.
Are you bored with your relationship? Do you need to drag her into your life to create drama to make it more exciting?
Take a class, get a hobby. Find something constructive to do with your spare-time. Idle minds are the devil's workshop.
You need intellectual stimulation.
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