A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately I've been thinking about future relationships and stuff, and it's just hit me that even if I did get a girlfriend, I would have no idea what to do with her. I do not like the bar or club scene at all. I cannot and do not like to dance and the thought of hanging out at some bar drinking until 3 am seems weird to me. I also do not like over-crowded places or people in general when they get drunk. Here's what I do: Wake up Go to classes (if I have any that day) Go to work (if I'm working that day) Go to the gym (if it's a workout day) Browse several forums and websites for a few hours Play games for a bit Sleep Repeat + Go out with friends once every few weeks. Am I too boring and weird to ever get a girlfriend?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2014):
 I have an idea. My gym is always looking for instructors for classes, such as power cycling or core fitness or yoga. Get certified to teach one or more of these at your gym and then teach classes. You'll have a roomful of fit people, a captive audience, if you will, and some of those will be…. wait for it…. women!
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (6 February 2014):
 The "nag" is there is not just one kind of women on earth. For sure most of them (excuse-me if I look a little misogynous one more time) are like Cindy Lauper says: Girls Just Want To Have Fun (cf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A ).A lot of woman will scream like police sirens and name and shame this like an horrendous stereotype, but all my youth long I've noticed that most girls I knew (and not only the prettiest ones) were actively looking for entertainers, who often happened to be bad guys in a way or in another. I must confess that in my teen, I did not have a very good opinion of them.Yet entering my adult years, I began to meet more modest and serious girls, but they were much, much fewer than the "having full of fun" ones, no need to say it.Your feeling of discouragement comes from that sort of image you have of girls, as you have seen a lot around you behaving like shallow chicks craving for entertainers/heavy fuc..rs. No brainers and noisy people, thanks but not for me !Nevertheless women are not all the same, that's the (very) good news.The bad news is that you can't find a girlfriend (who maybe will one day become your wife) if you stay in your cave. Consequently, I have to recommend you (once again this week) to find a club where you will be able to meet interesting people, some will eventually become your friends (brand new ones, that's always good to take) and maybe will you be able to find a girl that shares your tastes, and your point of view on existence.Trust me, the very day you will have found THE ONE, you will know what to do with her, sex or not sex, that's not the question.Girls: http://youtu.be/-n7ykctLEW4She's the One: http://youtu.be/sVaRHJn_dgM
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2014):
Oh, and I think you are out ahead of yourself. Worry about what to do with a girlfriend when you are faced with an actual girlfriend.
If the question is, where can I meet someone who might become a girlfriend, then focus on that, instead of a situation that isn't a reality.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2014):
Why don't you ask the girl you like what likes to do when you meet her? Then you can plan dates accordingly?
I guess there is more to this question than you presented.
I would echo the aunt who suggested you spend less time online and more time out in the real world, making eye contact, having conversations and connecting with people who share your interests.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 February 2014):
Dear OP,
You aren't too boring or weird to find a girlfriend, but you must find a girl that is somewhat similar to you.
Now.. since you don't go out a lot and your future girlfriend probably doesn't, either.. it's hard to meet. I suggest finding future Mrs. Girlfriend at the gym, on a dating site or a gamer forum/game convention.. something like that.
Anyway, I suggest you become a little more creative in spending some of your free time, not because that's necessary for love, but for general satisfaction in life. I'm not talking clubbing or bar-hopping or dancing, but finding an interesting hobby you can do alone or with somebody else. Maybe, doing a hobby with somebody else would be good, since you spend a lot of your time alone. Language class, drawing class, gardening, sailing, climbing, diving, surfing, chess, billard, ping pong, board games, karaoke, traveling, volunteer work.. whatever you could develop an interest in.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): It's not so much a question of whether you are boring - there's part of me that would be UTTERLY relieved for a guy to just be honest and tell me his life was boring, because I personally don't want to be dragged out to loads of activities and I'm sick and tired of people suggesting to others that they find hobbies etc. It's more a question of whether you personally are happy with your life as it is and whether you can still make space for a girl in your life.I'd say the ability to empathise with a girl and to be open to some of her suggestions about things to do sometimes is far more important than you doing supposedly 'interesting' things. It's all about your attitude to yourself and to her. If you find her interesting and she feels she can turn to you and that you will listen, your already giving her something that loads of men can't. If you're still really worried about if you're boring but can't stand the thought of trying out loads of new activities in order to impress someone then just extend what you do very, very slightly. If you clean your own place then get really, really good at cleaning because girls generally LOVE when guy does this. Don't get obsessional, just show you can take care of your place. If you play computer games find games that need 2 people and that you think would appeal to a girl. If you walk to college or to work then start going for a walk just for the sake of a walk - doesn't have to be anywhere special, but think about how you would make it interesting and quirky if you were showing someone around your local neighbourhood for example. If you make your own food sometimes, try one new recipe that you would like to make for a girl. Presumably you buy clothes to wear? Take an active interest in what fashions women wear, so that you can discuss clothing with her - you could even buy a women's magazine(!) to get your head around some of the stuff that women think about. I would suggest, though, maybe trying to cut down your online hours - it really can isolate you from others, unless your chatting to other people on it, but even then it's not the same as face to face.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): Ha, you sound exactly like me. Same life-style, same worries. Personally I do not think you're too boring because as you can now see, there are girls just like you out there. Not every girl likes to go to clubs, some that are more shy like myself, prefer to go to small places like maybe the movies or go out to eat with friends. Chin up, you'll find your match. It just takes time :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 February 2014):
 Let's rule "weird" out right now, because you're far from weird. Weird would be if you had included "Watering your toenail collection" as part of your schedule or something along those lines.
Now, let's focus on "boring". I won't sugarcoat it, but I will give you hope. To someone interested in outdoor activities, the bar or club scene, or a high strung person, you'd be boring. However, to someone similar to you, a homebody, a fellow girl gamer, you'd be the perfect catch.
That's the heart of it. Find someone similar to your pace in life, and you'll be perfect for them. Set your sights on someone who leads a completely different life than you do, and you'll have difficulty.
Which leads me to you. You think that your life is weird or boring because you don't involve alcohol? No way! Alcohol doesn't make for an interesting person. You're okay to not like bars and clubs. I married a guy who hates bars and clubs. Some of our best times together involved working out together, and also putting a Super Nintendo and a Sega Genesis (my Christmas present to him in 1995) with 2 TV's in the same room and having a blast gaming together.
Go with your interests, and you can't go wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): Personally I don't see why you can't have a girlfriend. Here's the thing, not every girl out there is looking for someone to take her clubbing and to a bar, there are some girls out there that don't drink or don't drink a great deal and so they might not like to be around drunk people either. And I don't think you're weird. There's nothing wrong with having a routine as long as you're able to break it for other aspects of your life. Socialising isn't the be all and end all of life. I think it would help you to socialise a little more than you do, but it's not a major issue if you don't. Just remember that no matter what people tell you, there is always someone who thinks the same. So what I'm trying to say, is be a little more open to the idea of socialising, you don't have to go out to a club or bar, maybe go for a quiet drink in a pub, you don't have to be there for hours, and don't stress too much about the idea of never getting a girlfriend because you will get one and she will no doubt enjoy the same things as you and possibly introduce you to new things as well. Don't worry, you're not boring and weird!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): Not to hurt your feelings. Yes, you are boring.
You are a slave to your routine; and immediately admit you don't like socializing. You are also judgmental.
Drinking establishments are not places where people are randomly walking around drunk. There are laws and rules that apply to public drunkenness. These places do expect their clientele to have a good-time, and they want them to return. That's why they have security. There are dumps and dives, and there are classy places. Take your pick.
If you don't know what to do with a girlfriend; then I guess you aren't going to be ready, or will not be needing one in the near future.
You get to know women by dating. That is the courtship ritual of getting to know her, spending time enjoying her company, and sharing entertainment. I think it would be off-putting to know you aren't comfortable in public.
I guess you would have to find someone more like you. If you don't know what to do with her, then you'll spend time sitting around with nothing to do. I assume you would like sex and making-out with females? You also have to offer them intellectual stimulation, and entertain them somehow.
You have to have interests, be able to show a lady a good time, know how to have fun; and realize it's not just about your likes and dislikes. It's also about what she likes to do.
You first need to do some traveling and exploration. Break out of your shell and humdrum routine. Once you get some experience and excitement in your life; you'll become a more interesting and outgoing person. Sitting around saying what you don't like about others makes you unlikeable.
What do you do when you're with friends? Where do you go?
Maybe you don't like women. Guys who do, make it their business to find ways to be with them; and to gain their affections.
If you can find male friends, you should be able to find a way to attract women, and be interesting. That is, if you really want to.
There is someone for everyone. Don't put yourself down about being weird. There may be different categories and ways to be weird. Sometimes being unusual or different is quite appealing; as long as it isn't crude or offensive in any way. People with colorful personalities draw a lot of attention and make friends easily.
Weird by being introverted is pretty common these days. People rely heavily on social media and the use of devices. Just getting out in the public cures that. Even if it means dealing with drunk people.
You also have to practice being in crowds. You do work,
so you are capable of being around a large number of people. Unless you work a graveyard shift in some remote place with only one or two employees.
Get in some practice by going to concerts, the theater, or a busy restaurant. These are places you take dates. Average or relatively sane people that is.
You can't always get a woman who hardly knows you to sit around at her place or yours, alone. That's totally creepy and too risky when you don't know the guy. Especially if he isn't particularly chatty or interesting.
There is a type to suit every personality. So never believe you can't get a girlfriend. Keeping one is the challenge.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 February 2014):
 Your's is the "Poster Board" query for asking: "Where can I, will I, meet my perfect mate (B/F or G/F)".
The "answer" is: Do those activity(ies) that you enjoy. Be around others who share that enjoyment, and you will INSTANTLY have something in-common with the lucky lady!!!
You will find many young women who would rather NOT partake of the bar/partying scene... who do things like: study by themselves (most of the time... then take a latte at Starbucks, where you will encounter her), volunteer at a hospital or shelter or library, attend a sporting event, take dancing lessons, go bowling.... You can imagine, the list is almost endless.....
AND, since you and she will have that common activity... she will probably be just as weird and boring as YOU are!!!.... another something that you and she have in-common....
Now... GET GOING!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2014):
 Do you want a girlfriend? Are you trying to meet girls at school, work, or the gym? Do your friends know you are looking for a girlfriend?
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