A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a new relationship, we're both 23, and already it has taken a turn for the worst.We are both at fault for the arguments. He tells me to open up but then makes me feel horrible when I speak about something that he has been doing that bothers me. Which ends up in the problem not being resolved.The most recent incident is he invited me to come bowling with his friends at 8PM on Sunday, so I told him that I would let him know if I could come. He then told me that they probably wouldn't be going. An hour later he said he was at bowling... This upset me because I was invited then I wasn't told when the plans had changed. He took it as though I was mad at him for hanging out with his friends.Another incident, which i'm mostly to blame, is I got upset when we played 'Never have I ever' and he admitted to putting a girl 'on the spit'. So I then lied during the rest of the game drinking to obscene actions. I admitted to him that it was childish of me and stupid.I've admitted to where I've gone wrong and what i'm doing wrong. I promised him that if he gives it one chance that he won't regret it, but it seems as though the short relationship is over... He's barely spoken to me and refuses to see me.I don't know what to do. I like him so much and would love to see where things go if we both work on it, but he's so stubborn and won't have a bar of any of my efforts.It's honestly making me miserable, and I feel so lost. Usually I would just end things, but i'm so weak when it comes to him.I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2016): You should resign this relationship before you struggle with it deeper and deeper and the inevitable break up becomes harder and harder to do. New relationships should make you feel lighter than air, not miserable. Listen to your gut, because you're right. He may make you weak, but someone better will make you feel invincible. Suck it up and do what you know you have to do.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 January 2016):
 When he went to bowling, maybe he got a last minute confirmation from his friends. Events like these need at least a day's notification. I am afraid "I would let you know if I could come" does not sound very confirmative. That's something you say when there's a few days left, not on the day it's happening.
You are both sensitive and react quickly. The main problem is that you don't feel like a priority. Sounds like you are always with friends and I wonder how much alone time you get together. When you are in a new relationship you should be all over each other, not just hanging out in a group of people. Drinking games are for single people, not the attached. Dates should be well planned and time should be respected. He doesn't sound like he wants to get to know you deeply, and that his friends are more important. Yet he will not let you express your feelings. He refuses to see you. That sounds like he's using your being upset as an advantage to ditch you. He sounds like he only wants a girl who abides by his time schedule but not make his life more complicated because he has friends too. You shouldn't want to see where things go because you would end up feeling very lonely.
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