A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy several weeks ago. We are language exchange partners. So far we have only gone out like 4 or 5 times in more than a month, to practice languages. He is nice and gentle. I like him, only as a friend. But now it seems he wants more than friends. Last time we went for a hiking adventure and he took care of me a lot. When I was too tired to go on he massaged my legs for me. At first I thought he was just being nice as a friend but then I heard his breath and he suddenly kissed me on my cheek. It was all of a sudden I was kind of shocked so I said nothing just pretended nothing had happened and we went on our trip. Later when there was a moment we were facing each other I thought he was trying to kiss me but I avoided that by turning my face around and said something else. Then when we were on the bus back to city he touched my face and later he put his hand on mine. I didn't say anything to all these because I didn't want to make it embarrassing. I just tried to avoid any further body contact. Now I don't know what to do. I don't know if that means he really likes me or it's just a spur of the moment type of thing because we were alone in jungles and all the body contact like holding hands when we had to support each other. Even if it's because he likes me, I don't know wether it's based on true affection or just lust. After all, We have only known each other for about 6 weeks. I don't even know his full name! I don't want a relationship which is just based on lust, nor do i want to lose a friend to that. Right now I just want us to stay as friends and let things flow naturally when we get to know each other better. Should I talk to him about this and make it clear? Will that hurt him? Or should I let it go and say nothing about it, just try to avoid things like this, hoping he will get it and stop? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Look at the big picture to see where he will be in life. Is he living in China for the rest of his life, or is there a possibility you will move to his country? If not, there is no point pursuing anything. You've known each other for a while. The fact that he has not taken you on a real date or have that relationship talk means he is not serious and is just falling with lust, which is a natural thing, nothing wrong with it, but if you want something that lasts you need to make sure he is on the same page or you have to stop his touchy feely behavior. All you have to let him know is that you are fine with being friends and you only reserve your affections to a partner with long term intentions. He will not be hurt. It doesn't matter if you are Chinese, white or black. He still needs to be gentleman about it.
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